Poetry, Prose, and a Prince in Process

"Sometimes you have to feel the fear and do it anyways."

I feel the fear of team mates more prepared,
drive to win
terror to fail.
My pride, my pride!

I have heard and now believe, "perfect love casts out all fear." I am a fish once large in my bowl now tossed into the sea. What adventure! What unknown! The decision to feed my heart from fear or excitement is in a waltz with the fickle verdict between pride and humility.

Freshmen once again. My choice meets me face to face, moment by moment, day by day.

Will it be Daniel today? The Angelic voice picks him off his face to say.. "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard..."

Is my silence heard? That which is done in secret? Or shall I market my skill? Tell the world what I have done in my little bowl?

Listen here! I was once a big fish!

Times, grades,
height, and weight,
I will sing you my songs!
It is a clean slate.

Terrified by innocence
years since Mind raped Dream.
Forceful terror
exclusive motive.

My Virgil asked me if it was for grade...
or fear...
or for love that I study...
My Dream answers LOVE!
Resume says under its breath... Grades!
And still, Truth makes known to my heart the resonating answer,
it is fear.

I awoke from a dream and knew it was time to run again. After a year off of track and the decision not to run XC this fall at SPU, it was a dream redeemed. To add to the dreams recovered from my passionate youth I have also seen special operations resurrected. The success of these pursuits is tied to the grace of God that allows me to "humble my heart to understand."

The opponent that has proved itself most formidable is that of pride. I find my self set in a new city, a new church, a new school.... no longer in the town of 80 thousand. I had 18 years of tears planted, relationships watered, and respect earned in Bend, Oregon. Now in Seattle, about 3 million strong, with my leadership now caught by the pack.

In the past I have tried to distinguish myself in running with a guitar, in music with a mile time. I don't know if you can sympathize, but that is the truth of my pride. Now that I am in a place where my running is mediocre and I am chasing the team rather than being chased... I have the opportunity to grow. The limiting factor is no longer time, but pride. I find myself afraid to be behind... afraid to feel the pain of the climb. If I could lay down my fear of failure, this pride, I will have growth.

Once again comes the question of motive... why run? For Love? For Grade? For Fear? I believe I can defeat fear as I assault my pride with every race towards Love. In that pursuit I cannot lose for Love is my goal but also my teammate, my coach, and brilliant redeemer.

The character of an endurance person is what I am after. He who endures to the end...

The discipline of embracing restraints to bring freedom is my radical revelation, and my conclusion is that these growing pains are worth the growth. Conscience to creativity! Zeal married to knowledge, and Love that has lost its blindfold!

I have so much I would love to share but my eyes burn with tiredness. The prospect of my Thanksgiving coming to a close causes me to remember the dead lines that rudely continue their request of my time. I love you all and pray that you all seize your opportunities for growth.

Grace and peace!