Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Question for the Ladies?

I have been falling asleep at random times lately due to severe exhaustion from a crazy summer and a bitter fight between me and a cold. Today as the cold was beating me down I decided to retaliate with lots of OJ and a nap. After the nap I was supposed to get up and go to Cadre (small group for all you non-seattlites) but I did what I have been doing more and more in these days of late and rolled back over to sleep some more. So I slept off and on from three to ten pm, missed Cadre, and missed dinner. Though I do have great drive and hunger for relationship with fellow men of God and super smash bros I am pretty sure that my stomach was the only driver that was able to move me from my bed today. At ten o clock the master driver of my stomach led me into the kitchen where I found unguarded left overs on the stove. As reached out to take of them my housemate whose name I still do not know came around the corner scaring me half to death with a kind suggestion that I should help myself to the spaghetti he had prepared.
All of that was to say I am up still now at 1:33 in the morning I cannot sleep, I am fighting a cold, away from home, living in a house with a kind man whose name I do not know, and I am thinking. My thought and question go as follows...
I brushed my teeth again around midnight due to finding some mint hot cocoa mix. The hot cocoa compelled me to get a blanket and the blanket instigated the thought that I should go on a trek to the lake across the street. As the water was being warmed I decided that I would probably get tired by the time I got over to the lake and it would be a pain coming back so I found a compromise with the back porch and a comfy little chair under a beautiful star lit sky. As I sat I began to think about the teeth I just brushed and how they reflect my character... strange I know. After I thought of the teeth I needed something to write with because I already had to many thoughts going through my head I need to sort them a little bit. So then I grabbed my mac as the tool of choice and have planted myself back on the porch. Out of the many thoughts I contemplated sharing with you I fought with three main ideas. First the analogy of my teeth and character which I decided was to personal. Second, I thought about writing a list of things I do not like about myself because I am in that sort of mood, decided that is not a very hot blog topic. So my third and my final decision is a Question for the Ladies.
My question stems from the thought string that I was flowing in earlier which some may describe as self hatred but I would rather deem as the inspiration for escape, adventure, and pursuit of improvement. I am completely and theologically convinced that the only real improvement that lasts and allows the settling of a person is found in the person of Jesus and his grace. The thoughts that cause me to write out a list of things I hate about myself also inspires me to dream. This may confuse some but when reality of who you are is something you hate, you must find some hope of escape in some other source. Jesus would be the lasting and real hope for change, redemption, and holiness but I tend to lean more towards goals, dreams, and drive. This drive leads me to the end of myself (law) and makes me want more... adventure, life, relationship,jumping trains. How about you? I need to sleep, this will be continued in the morning.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


Moved out from the dorms in the Cascade wing and am now sharing a small apartment with 3 guys. Like a jig saw puzzle we are slowly piecing our belongings into place. food, instruments, a bunk bed, a full size, small desk, suit cases of clothes, shoes, and everything else. Ernest (my trusty red truck) has been a servant worthy of mentioning due to his incredible size and hence ability to store the excess. Though Ernest is nearly impossible to park in busy Seattle he has non the less been an awesome blessing.
I just returned from a trip to Christian Renewal Center in Silver Falls Oregon and on the way back up drove in tandem with my wonderful friend Emilie, my accomplice in crime Elisha , and my beautiful sister Jessica. These three have helped me move in and are now accompanying me in my explorative adventures of Seattle area.
I am having a blast and continuing to learn and grow a ton. Still struggling with my self and battling with many ideas, possibilities, and opportunities. Experiencing freedom in a new degree and learning the responsibilities of that freedom. I have begun to realize more and more in being away from home that my real home is the presence of God. I am learning to be vulnerable which is a massive challenge for me, learning to be confident with pride or false humility, I am learning that self discipline cannot be the main vehicle for change but rather the presence of God and vulnerability inside of covenant relationship with him and people. It has been a very good, very exciting, and subtly hard adventure but I cannot wait to see what is coming.
Don't relent! I love you all...