Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Glass Ceiling of Relationships

I am in the midst of my B-block class once again and I am really struggling today. Only one and a half more days and then finally Thanksgiving, the long awaited break is here. I have had in many ways a successful week and in many ways the successes have caused fresh challenges. Victory in leadership and mentoring has triggered an excitement in me that sadly distracts me from the more mundane commitments that I maintain during the year. I have not been committed to a team these past three weeks having decided not to compete in the Junior Olympics yet my sister Jessica who is ridiculously talented chose quite wisely to continue. She has practice downtown Monday Wednesday and Friday. This has allowed for an incredible amount of time for coffee poetry and music, the things that I standardly have no time to pursue in the midst of sports. My heart today had conference with my mind and they decided that long term relationships often develop a ceiling of sorts. When I want to pursue something like poetry or music more intensely then those who have known me as primarily a runner for years are thrown for a loop and often do not encourage such things. Not because they disprove necessarily but they do not have that picture of you as a poet... People inherently do no like change so when you come up to those you have known for a long period of time and offer a new concept of you rarely are they as excited. This lack of enthusiasm often hurts or is seen as these persons discouraging your pursuits or not believing in you.
I want to leave....
grow....
change...
and so today I am struggling.
For it has become evident that there is indeed a view and perception of who I am that is not allowed to change as liberally or quickly as I feel the need for growth.

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