"There is No Finish Line
Sooner or later the serious runner goes through a special, very personal experience that is unknown to most people.
Some call it euphoria. Others say it's a new kind of mystical experience that propels you into an elevated state of consciousness.
A flash of joy. A sense of floating as you run.
The experience is unique to each of us, but when it happens you break through a barrier that separates you from casual runners. Forever.
And from that point on, there is no finish line.
You run for your life. You begin to be addicted to what running gives you.
Beating the competition is relatively easy.
But beating yourself is a never ending commitment."
Author Unknown
"Cross Country - Finally a practical use for golf courses."
"Some people don't have the guts for distance racing. The polite term for them is sprinters."
"It is simply that we can all be good boys and wear our letter sweaters around and get our little degrees and find some nice girl to settle, you know, down with... take up what a friend of ours calls the hearty challenges of lawn care... Or we can blaze! Become legends in our own time, strike fear in the heart of mediocre talent everywhere! We can scald dogs, put records out of reach! Make the stands gasp as we blow into an unearthly kick from three hundred yards out! We can become God's own messengers delivering the dreaded scrolls! We can race dark Satan himself till he wheezes fiery cinders down the back straightaway....They'll speak our names in hushed tones, 'those guys are animals' they'll say! We can lay it on the line, bust a gut, show them a clean pair of heels. We can sprint the turn on a spring breeze and feel the winter leave our feet! We can, by God, let our demons loose and just wail on!"- Once a Runner
What was the secret, they wanted to know; in a thousand different ways they wanted to know The Secret. And not one of them was prepared, truly prepared to believe that it had not so much to do with chemicals and zippy mental tricks as with that most unprofound and sometimes heart-rending process of removing, molecule by molecule, the very tough rubber that comprised the bottoms of his training shoes. The Trial of Miles, Miles of Trials. How could they be expected to understand that?"- OAR
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Growing Pains
“If thoughts have consequences, then college has consequences. Thoughts do have consequences. So, college has consequences.” This is a simple argument in the famous argumentation form called Modus Ponens. In Logic we are learning that one set of premises in an argument can lead to conclusions in many seemingly unrelated arguments. Though this seems simple the effects of logic and the consequences of thought are monumental. In UFND we have discussed the effects of Protestant thought that have gone to conclusions Luther, Calvin, and many of the other reformers may not have wanted. In History of Ethics I began to see the cycles throughout time in which one thought process triggered many other consequential theories. These theories were more often than not pushing into to the uncomfortable extremes both for and against the original thought. These consequences of thought have split churches, propelled revolutions, and laid foundations for further thought…further consequences.
Whether it is the Power of Logic in philosophy classes, the power of a story in literature classes, or simply learning how to budget time and money while living in college the consequences are massive! And we a barraged with so many thoughts it is easy to be overwhelmed. Do women belong in ministry? Should a secular Jewish state exist? Predestination? Can warfare or violence be justified with “New Testament” Theology? Should we wait for God to execute Justice? Where is the balance between waiting for God to act and humans acting? Or does God not use the fallible? All of these questions hit me like a growth spurt hits a child in puberty. I thought my voice was one tone and then it shifts, cracks, and sounds as though some strange force has possessed me! I am realizing that the worldview in which I have been raised has consequences much larger than I could have dreamed only a year or two ago. These consequences have captured my conscience and catapulted me into a very exciting challenge in which I must decide how to respond.
There seems to be three general responses with young people in their relationship to their parents during the turbulence of puberty, rebellion, clinging, or growth. These responses mirror the reactions that the church had to modernity. The two extremes are in summery, digging in and defending or adjusting to the pressures of scientific and historical inquiry. These responses, though grossly oversimplified, are like clinging onto what one has been raised to believe or rebelling against the traditional disciplines. The third option of growth involves living a life unafraid to pursue truth wherever it leads. I like what Saint Augustine Had to say in “On Christian Teaching”
“A person who is a good and true Christian should realize that truth belongs to his Lord, wherever it is found, gathering and acknowledging it even in pagan literature, but rejecting superstitious vanities and deploring and avoiding those who 'though they knew God did not glorify him as God...”
So all truth is God’s truth and this growth is an ongoing and challenging process that takes time. The pursuit of truth is a lifelong discipline. The other two responses are a form of intellectual coping out because you either have to make the truth flexible enough to fit into your ideas or give up on trying to know anything. I don’t want to cop out but how does a kid really learn truth until it has grown not only in stature but experience?
It is almost comical this thing called university! We have kids and teachers alike going through this academic process and becoming experts on theory when most have never had experience. We talk about killing and warfare like virgins talking about sex. There are so many things that are sent swirling through my head and heart that it is tempting to just give up. But even then these thoughts have consequences! To give up once allows you to embrace giving up a second, third, and fourth time. University is like a chess game in which we are stuck and still must move. It is your turn but you do not have vision for the consequences that are eminent.
Maybe we can gain wisdom through others experience. Maybe we can listen to our parents and teachers and still fight to be aware of our socialization. I believe that it is possible to gain wisdom by walking with wise people. The consequences of this are an ability to have a reference point in all the swirling. There is a foundation that has been laid by other lives that have gone after truth and passed down what they know. That foundation tells me to be faithful in the little things and to keep on going. That foundation tells me that there is knowing beyond empirical understanding. I echo Pascal in saying "The heart has its reasons which reason cannot know." It is in that realm where love, faith, and reason collide and I find a reference point. From there I believe I can push on into this thing called University and pursue truth even through the growing pains.
Whether it is the Power of Logic in philosophy classes, the power of a story in literature classes, or simply learning how to budget time and money while living in college the consequences are massive! And we a barraged with so many thoughts it is easy to be overwhelmed. Do women belong in ministry? Should a secular Jewish state exist? Predestination? Can warfare or violence be justified with “New Testament” Theology? Should we wait for God to execute Justice? Where is the balance between waiting for God to act and humans acting? Or does God not use the fallible? All of these questions hit me like a growth spurt hits a child in puberty. I thought my voice was one tone and then it shifts, cracks, and sounds as though some strange force has possessed me! I am realizing that the worldview in which I have been raised has consequences much larger than I could have dreamed only a year or two ago. These consequences have captured my conscience and catapulted me into a very exciting challenge in which I must decide how to respond.
There seems to be three general responses with young people in their relationship to their parents during the turbulence of puberty, rebellion, clinging, or growth. These responses mirror the reactions that the church had to modernity. The two extremes are in summery, digging in and defending or adjusting to the pressures of scientific and historical inquiry. These responses, though grossly oversimplified, are like clinging onto what one has been raised to believe or rebelling against the traditional disciplines. The third option of growth involves living a life unafraid to pursue truth wherever it leads. I like what Saint Augustine Had to say in “On Christian Teaching”
“A person who is a good and true Christian should realize that truth belongs to his Lord, wherever it is found, gathering and acknowledging it even in pagan literature, but rejecting superstitious vanities and deploring and avoiding those who 'though they knew God did not glorify him as God...”
So all truth is God’s truth and this growth is an ongoing and challenging process that takes time. The pursuit of truth is a lifelong discipline. The other two responses are a form of intellectual coping out because you either have to make the truth flexible enough to fit into your ideas or give up on trying to know anything. I don’t want to cop out but how does a kid really learn truth until it has grown not only in stature but experience?
It is almost comical this thing called university! We have kids and teachers alike going through this academic process and becoming experts on theory when most have never had experience. We talk about killing and warfare like virgins talking about sex. There are so many things that are sent swirling through my head and heart that it is tempting to just give up. But even then these thoughts have consequences! To give up once allows you to embrace giving up a second, third, and fourth time. University is like a chess game in which we are stuck and still must move. It is your turn but you do not have vision for the consequences that are eminent.
Maybe we can gain wisdom through others experience. Maybe we can listen to our parents and teachers and still fight to be aware of our socialization. I believe that it is possible to gain wisdom by walking with wise people. The consequences of this are an ability to have a reference point in all the swirling. There is a foundation that has been laid by other lives that have gone after truth and passed down what they know. That foundation tells me to be faithful in the little things and to keep on going. That foundation tells me that there is knowing beyond empirical understanding. I echo Pascal in saying "The heart has its reasons which reason cannot know." It is in that realm where love, faith, and reason collide and I find a reference point. From there I believe I can push on into this thing called University and pursue truth even through the growing pains.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Tips for Devos
First off Devos = Devotions
As I was reading this morning, with my wonderful room mate sleeping soundly in our bunk, I cracked open the blinds to spill light in on my journals. Almost simultaneous with the light spilling in the to do list of the day awoke in my mind. If you are anything like me it is often a challenge to keep your mind focussed on the Word, or any reading for that matter, when the days to-do's grab for your attention. Attention in its origin comes from the Latin base attentio(n-), or the verb attendere (attend). With this understanding of the word attention it follows that what you pay attention to you serve. So it is important to ask, "what owns your attention?" Most likely what owns your attention owns you!
I like to multi-task (I am actually writing this as my professor goes off on tangents) and the issue with a mind that is always doing ten things is that you often miss the wholeness that is sound in single focus. In fact to have more than one vision is a great breakdown to the word division or di-vision.
All of this to say! Write stuff down! When you are having trouble focussing in on the Word have a sticky note on which you can write down your thoughts and to-do's. Write it down and then shift back and let your mind be set on what God's word and all he has to say to you! The same practical trick goes with prayer, worship, and I may broaden it to life as a whole! It works wonders.
A second little breakthrough that I have had recently is to read the bible in large chunks. A reading plan is great and I recommend one as it helps you to get a diverse diet of the law, the prophets, gospels, epistles, and so forth...
but even as there is great value in meditating on short sections of scripture to mine out its treasures I have found that there is great value in reading large sections. My reason is, as any budding English major may have supposed, that as you read the bible (especially the Old Testament) you gain an understanding of the narrative, the big picture, the context of those short sections we love to meditate on.
In summery... sticky notes, perspective,
and I love you.
As I was reading this morning, with my wonderful room mate sleeping soundly in our bunk, I cracked open the blinds to spill light in on my journals. Almost simultaneous with the light spilling in the to do list of the day awoke in my mind. If you are anything like me it is often a challenge to keep your mind focussed on the Word, or any reading for that matter, when the days to-do's grab for your attention. Attention in its origin comes from the Latin base attentio(n-), or the verb attendere (attend). With this understanding of the word attention it follows that what you pay attention to you serve. So it is important to ask, "what owns your attention?" Most likely what owns your attention owns you!
I like to multi-task (I am actually writing this as my professor goes off on tangents) and the issue with a mind that is always doing ten things is that you often miss the wholeness that is sound in single focus. In fact to have more than one vision is a great breakdown to the word division or di-vision.
All of this to say! Write stuff down! When you are having trouble focussing in on the Word have a sticky note on which you can write down your thoughts and to-do's. Write it down and then shift back and let your mind be set on what God's word and all he has to say to you! The same practical trick goes with prayer, worship, and I may broaden it to life as a whole! It works wonders.
A second little breakthrough that I have had recently is to read the bible in large chunks. A reading plan is great and I recommend one as it helps you to get a diverse diet of the law, the prophets, gospels, epistles, and so forth...
but even as there is great value in meditating on short sections of scripture to mine out its treasures I have found that there is great value in reading large sections. My reason is, as any budding English major may have supposed, that as you read the bible (especially the Old Testament) you gain an understanding of the narrative, the big picture, the context of those short sections we love to meditate on.
In summery... sticky notes, perspective,
and I love you.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Abandon
abandon |əˈbandən|
verb [ trans. ]
1 give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking) : he had clearly abandoned all pretense of trying to succeed. See note at relinquish .
• discontinue (a scheduled event) before completion : against the background of perceived threats, the tour was abandoned.
2 cease to support or look after (someone); desert : her natural mother had abandoned her at an early age.
• leave (a place, typically a building) empty or uninhabited, without intending to return : derelict houses were abandoned.
• leave (something, typically a vehicle or a vessel) decisively, esp. as an act of survival : he abandoned his vehicle and tried to flee on foot.
• ( abandon someone/something to) condemn someone or something to (a specified fate) by ceasing to take an interest in or look after them : it was an attempt to persuade businesses not to abandon the area to inner-city deprivation.
3 ( abandon oneself to) allow onself to indulge in (a desire or impulse) : abandoning herself to moony fantasies.
noun
complete lack of inhibition or restraint : she sings and sways with total abandon.
Abandon + me = a dream.
I dream that I could abandon my commitments
leave my fear on the side of the road
forget time.
Abandon desires, dreams, and delusions
wish I could loose myself from me.
There is a continuance of history
a cyclical wearing down
freedom!
To worship with abandon is beautiful
To give freely and full of Joy is gorgeous
To live in an abandonment of all calling
is coping
it is a copping...out
Abandon is both good, bad, and blah...
Abandon + me = a dream.
verb [ trans. ]
1 give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking) : he had clearly abandoned all pretense of trying to succeed. See note at relinquish .
• discontinue (a scheduled event) before completion : against the background of perceived threats, the tour was abandoned.
2 cease to support or look after (someone); desert : her natural mother had abandoned her at an early age.
• leave (a place, typically a building) empty or uninhabited, without intending to return : derelict houses were abandoned.
• leave (something, typically a vehicle or a vessel) decisively, esp. as an act of survival : he abandoned his vehicle and tried to flee on foot.
• ( abandon someone/something to) condemn someone or something to (a specified fate) by ceasing to take an interest in or look after them : it was an attempt to persuade businesses not to abandon the area to inner-city deprivation.
3 ( abandon oneself to) allow onself to indulge in (a desire or impulse) : abandoning herself to moony fantasies.
noun
complete lack of inhibition or restraint : she sings and sways with total abandon.
Abandon + me = a dream.
I dream that I could abandon my commitments
leave my fear on the side of the road
forget time.
Abandon desires, dreams, and delusions
wish I could loose myself from me.
There is a continuance of history
a cyclical wearing down
freedom!
To worship with abandon is beautiful
To give freely and full of Joy is gorgeous
To live in an abandonment of all calling
is coping
it is a copping...out
Abandon is both good, bad, and blah...
Abandon + me = a dream.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Mornings Light
Remember when we were
way back then
we were
you and I
and we were stayin up to late
Remember how we were
talking loud
we were
under the stars
and we were sitting way to close
Remember how we were
goin back and forth
we were
arguing love and lust
and happiness `
We all want hands to hold
We all want arms to fold in around us
We never really listened to the warnings
C---Em---D
until mornings light comes pouring rudely in
I don't Remember who said
that history proves with the dead
to be always going
round and round again
but no matter how strong
what we are fed
it will never go to my head
that a
kiss is just a kiss
C---D---G---Em
I don't want to fall in love
I don't want to walk in blind
I don't have the time
way back then
we were
you and I
and we were stayin up to late
Remember how we were
talking loud
we were
under the stars
and we were sitting way to close
Remember how we were
goin back and forth
we were
arguing love and lust
and happiness `
We all want hands to hold
We all want arms to fold in around us
We never really listened to the warnings
C---Em---D
until mornings light comes pouring rudely in
I don't Remember who said
that history proves with the dead
to be always going
round and round again
but no matter how strong
what we are fed
it will never go to my head
that a
kiss is just a kiss
C---D---G---Em
I don't want to fall in love
I don't want to walk in blind
I don't have the time
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
10 Commandments of Relationships
A little taste from college retreat. This is some solid teaching on a topic that many churches get weird about. It was a ton of fun!
1. Guys are the initiators and girls are the responders. Proverbs 18:22. Every lady known as an initiator of relationship in the bible was a whore.
2. Getting coffee does not equal marriage. Going on a date does not even mean you’re dating. Do not put your expectations on coffee.
3. Get a vision for the end before you begin. End meaning the start of your marriage, the alter… Get a vision for where you want to be financially, with your purity, how much baggage you want to bring into the relationship. Habakkuk 2:2, 1 Tim 5:8
4. When on a date guys should make it a goal to ask more questions than talk about themselves. James 1:14. Do not be dogmatic or opinionated, but rather open to new things.
5. Godly relationships stir you to pursue Jesus never to pull away. If a relationship begins to take you away from the church, your small group, and Godly accountability found in covenant friendship it is Godly.
6. Keep your relationship in the light. 1 John 1:7
7. Guys need to lead the relationship. Lines are to be drawn, not discovered. Guys need to draw those lines and yet not be driven by a spirit of legalism. We are grace people.
8. How far is to far is the wrong question. It should be more like how much can I please God in this relationship. If you can hold her hand without going to bed in your mind then hold her hand. For some you may just need to high five it up for a while. Others kissing is okay… not a set rule. Jack Hayford believes that open mouth kissing opens the door to sex because as soon as you open your mouth and insert your tongue it is a mental action tied symbolically to the insertion of … 1 Cor 7:1
9. Let the relationship happen naturally, do not force it. Say hello>get to know>be a bro>let it grow>give it a go>don’t be so slow.
10. Be confident and have a sense of humor.
1. Guys are the initiators and girls are the responders. Proverbs 18:22. Every lady known as an initiator of relationship in the bible was a whore.
2. Getting coffee does not equal marriage. Going on a date does not even mean you’re dating. Do not put your expectations on coffee.
3. Get a vision for the end before you begin. End meaning the start of your marriage, the alter… Get a vision for where you want to be financially, with your purity, how much baggage you want to bring into the relationship. Habakkuk 2:2, 1 Tim 5:8
4. When on a date guys should make it a goal to ask more questions than talk about themselves. James 1:14. Do not be dogmatic or opinionated, but rather open to new things.
5. Godly relationships stir you to pursue Jesus never to pull away. If a relationship begins to take you away from the church, your small group, and Godly accountability found in covenant friendship it is Godly.
6. Keep your relationship in the light. 1 John 1:7
7. Guys need to lead the relationship. Lines are to be drawn, not discovered. Guys need to draw those lines and yet not be driven by a spirit of legalism. We are grace people.
8. How far is to far is the wrong question. It should be more like how much can I please God in this relationship. If you can hold her hand without going to bed in your mind then hold her hand. For some you may just need to high five it up for a while. Others kissing is okay… not a set rule. Jack Hayford believes that open mouth kissing opens the door to sex because as soon as you open your mouth and insert your tongue it is a mental action tied symbolically to the insertion of … 1 Cor 7:1
9. Let the relationship happen naturally, do not force it. Say hello>get to know>be a bro>let it grow>give it a go>don’t be so slow.
10. Be confident and have a sense of humor.
Monday, January 11, 2010
January 11
New year
New focus
New dreams
New resolution
New fear
New striving
New opportunity
To fly... to fall...
11 days in
11 days long
9 days strong
2 days wrong
Hangover from dreaming
Intoxicated tears
Wake up in sweat
work in sweat
Rain a beating
Sweat dripping
Tears bursting against my will
Tears refusing when willed.
New focus
New dreams
New resolution
New fear
New striving
New opportunity
To fly... to fall...
11 days in
11 days long
9 days strong
2 days wrong
Hangover from dreaming
Intoxicated tears
Wake up in sweat
work in sweat
Rain a beating
Sweat dripping
Tears bursting against my will
Tears refusing when willed.
Friday, December 4, 2009
A Skinned Knee
Rain Rain go away
come again another day
I've cried and I've prayed
Father wont you come again
Rain Rain fallin from my face
fall again into your place
this seed falling from my eyes
it will fall and it will die
You've turned my morning into dancing
You've turned my sorrow into joy
You've started my heart again romancing
I've sown in tears now reaping songs of joy
Rain Rain you can come again
I never new that you're my friend
The pain and fear that held me tight
I release and give you back your fight
Where do I get my inspiration from?
How does the spirit teach this hardened heart to hear?
A skinned knee
Your rod and staff that comfort me
The release as your loving discipline helps me
Pry my fingers loose
again
You've turned my morning into dancing
You've turned my sorrow into joy
You've started my heart again romancing
I've sown in tears now reaping songs of joy
Rain Rain I don't mind
If you show your face tonight
Neither way will or shine
change Jeremiah 29
come again another day
I've cried and I've prayed
Father wont you come again
Rain Rain fallin from my face
fall again into your place
this seed falling from my eyes
it will fall and it will die
You've turned my morning into dancing
You've turned my sorrow into joy
You've started my heart again romancing
I've sown in tears now reaping songs of joy
Rain Rain you can come again
I never new that you're my friend
The pain and fear that held me tight
I release and give you back your fight
Where do I get my inspiration from?
How does the spirit teach this hardened heart to hear?
A skinned knee
Your rod and staff that comfort me
The release as your loving discipline helps me
Pry my fingers loose
again
You've turned my morning into dancing
You've turned my sorrow into joy
You've started my heart again romancing
I've sown in tears now reaping songs of joy
Rain Rain I don't mind
If you show your face tonight
Neither way will or shine
change Jeremiah 29
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Embraces like Bullets
A Friend from place speaks destination,
From city creates fantasy,
Their home, our dream.
Time and conversation
I have food you do not know about...
To do the work of my father.
Love revealed in her.
Dorm of acquaintances,
Barracks of brotherhood,
Home is family,
Friend in fantasy.
Dreams compel hearts and hands
To leave father and mother
Become one flesh
To make home anew
One step closer to heaven
Your kingdom come
Man, master, mission, mate
Genesis as thesis
Jesus the argument
Spirit like breath
GOD as GOD
Father make my destination you
The city on a hill
Not Portland, Nashville, or Paris
My dream, Love is you.
You and I and her
Freedom in labor
Mission minded dreamer
Adrenaline in embraces like bullets,
Grace tangible, the cross
My gun, my books, running shoes.
The resurrection life
Time and conversation
Love revealed in him
For her….my flesh.
From city creates fantasy,
Their home, our dream.
Time and conversation
I have food you do not know about...
To do the work of my father.
Love revealed in her.
Dorm of acquaintances,
Barracks of brotherhood,
Home is family,
Friend in fantasy.
Dreams compel hearts and hands
To leave father and mother
Become one flesh
To make home anew
One step closer to heaven
Your kingdom come
Man, master, mission, mate
Genesis as thesis
Jesus the argument
Spirit like breath
GOD as GOD
Father make my destination you
The city on a hill
Not Portland, Nashville, or Paris
My dream, Love is you.
You and I and her
Freedom in labor
Mission minded dreamer
Adrenaline in embraces like bullets,
Grace tangible, the cross
My gun, my books, running shoes.
The resurrection life
Time and conversation
Love revealed in him
For her….my flesh.
All you need is Love… and a French press.
I have become convinced through the many hours of study, thousands of push ups, and hundreds of songs this season has provided that there is are only a few things needed to be genuinely happy. Love… and a French press.
When I moved away from home 5 and a half months ago I started writing a list of things I am thankful for. As I wrote I realized more and more the value of a dollar and the irreplaceable currency of time. I began to grow in the revealed value of simplicity. I remember distinctly one specific chilly morning in my small cement room where I sat wrapped in shirt upon shirt upon sweatshirt with my French press brewing. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness! I was in new territory…
Back in Bend and only a month before, I had opened my first bank account and dumped all my pennies and dimes in. The day after I joined the ranks of those packin checks and debit cards I needed to make an initial payment for an internship with The City Church in the amount of 1075 dollars. The only money I had been successful in bringing in was from singing songs in a breezeway downtown. Our family has been fighting waves in a financial storm that seems to never end its climb to climax. My parents had been supportive but not gung ho about me moving up to Seattle early. The money was not there to send me but after praying for months about this summer the internship returned over and over again to my heart. I knew it was what God wanted me to do and continued to believe that he could provide. My first little white receipt reporting the sum in my account proclaimed that he did. I had 1086 dollars.
A few weeks later and only days before I was to leave, I had my graduation party and released my little CD needing to make 650 dollars to cover the second payment for the internship. After the songs were sung, food was eaten, and hugs were liberally distributed the party came to a close and I counted opened the gifts. Bill after bill came in and I counted, 100 to 200 to 300…. 656 dollars total! This confirmed it for my Mom and she proclaimed, “God provided and even gave you change for coffee!”
Side note: Listen to your moms! If they are anything like mine they are wise ladies!
Through this process of learning to trust God with finances not only for a family but also personally, I began to realize the importance of thanksgiving. Hence the thank you list! This new territory opened my eyes that morning to remember where God had brought me from and the value of my family. Now I sat where God had brought me and looked at my French press. Steam rose piercing the cold air in my little room with a robust fragrance!
I am not just a lover of coffee and its culture! It symbolizes for me the extravagance of God provision. Coffee is expensive and I cannot afford to do all my studying in the nooks and crannies of coffee shops but even now in my dorm here at SPU, I have my French press. I have the extravagant love of God and he has provided for the big things like school and the little things like coffee. It is a beautiful simplicity that has been revealed freshly in my life. My coffee may be black, I may be in need of a car and a job, but God knows my needs and he provides more than enough! I can trust him with my heart. Big and small issues have become my vehicle for growth. I find that often I could believe for the big stuff like provision to intern but then when I need a power strip I figure I need to find the finances in my own efforts. It got to the point that I needed a spatula and a power strip and prayed. Like ten minutes out of prayer I walked to the trash room and found a spatula, power strip, and a sweat shirt I forgot to ask for. :)
We have no need to worry friends! We have a good dad who is not affected by any economic downturns. He is not even fazed by our lack of faith. He teaches us lovingly and patiently. How beautiful is the simplicity of the Gospel! All we need is Love…. and to respond with a life laced with thankfulness.
When I moved away from home 5 and a half months ago I started writing a list of things I am thankful for. As I wrote I realized more and more the value of a dollar and the irreplaceable currency of time. I began to grow in the revealed value of simplicity. I remember distinctly one specific chilly morning in my small cement room where I sat wrapped in shirt upon shirt upon sweatshirt with my French press brewing. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness! I was in new territory…
Back in Bend and only a month before, I had opened my first bank account and dumped all my pennies and dimes in. The day after I joined the ranks of those packin checks and debit cards I needed to make an initial payment for an internship with The City Church in the amount of 1075 dollars. The only money I had been successful in bringing in was from singing songs in a breezeway downtown. Our family has been fighting waves in a financial storm that seems to never end its climb to climax. My parents had been supportive but not gung ho about me moving up to Seattle early. The money was not there to send me but after praying for months about this summer the internship returned over and over again to my heart. I knew it was what God wanted me to do and continued to believe that he could provide. My first little white receipt reporting the sum in my account proclaimed that he did. I had 1086 dollars.
A few weeks later and only days before I was to leave, I had my graduation party and released my little CD needing to make 650 dollars to cover the second payment for the internship. After the songs were sung, food was eaten, and hugs were liberally distributed the party came to a close and I counted opened the gifts. Bill after bill came in and I counted, 100 to 200 to 300…. 656 dollars total! This confirmed it for my Mom and she proclaimed, “God provided and even gave you change for coffee!”
Side note: Listen to your moms! If they are anything like mine they are wise ladies!
Through this process of learning to trust God with finances not only for a family but also personally, I began to realize the importance of thanksgiving. Hence the thank you list! This new territory opened my eyes that morning to remember where God had brought me from and the value of my family. Now I sat where God had brought me and looked at my French press. Steam rose piercing the cold air in my little room with a robust fragrance!
I am not just a lover of coffee and its culture! It symbolizes for me the extravagance of God provision. Coffee is expensive and I cannot afford to do all my studying in the nooks and crannies of coffee shops but even now in my dorm here at SPU, I have my French press. I have the extravagant love of God and he has provided for the big things like school and the little things like coffee. It is a beautiful simplicity that has been revealed freshly in my life. My coffee may be black, I may be in need of a car and a job, but God knows my needs and he provides more than enough! I can trust him with my heart. Big and small issues have become my vehicle for growth. I find that often I could believe for the big stuff like provision to intern but then when I need a power strip I figure I need to find the finances in my own efforts. It got to the point that I needed a spatula and a power strip and prayed. Like ten minutes out of prayer I walked to the trash room and found a spatula, power strip, and a sweat shirt I forgot to ask for. :)
We have no need to worry friends! We have a good dad who is not affected by any economic downturns. He is not even fazed by our lack of faith. He teaches us lovingly and patiently. How beautiful is the simplicity of the Gospel! All we need is Love…. and to respond with a life laced with thankfulness.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Poetry, Prose, and a Prince in Process
"Sometimes you have to feel the fear and do it anyways."
I feel the fear of team mates more prepared,
drive to win
terror to fail.
My pride, my pride!
I have heard and now believe, "perfect love casts out all fear." I am a fish once large in my bowl now tossed into the sea. What adventure! What unknown! The decision to feed my heart from fear or excitement is in a waltz with the fickle verdict between pride and humility.
Freshmen once again. My choice meets me face to face, moment by moment, day by day.
Will it be Daniel today? The Angelic voice picks him off his face to say.. "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard..."
Is my silence heard? That which is done in secret? Or shall I market my skill? Tell the world what I have done in my little bowl?
Listen here! I was once a big fish!
Times, grades,
height, and weight,
I will sing you my songs!
It is a clean slate.
Terrified by innocence
years since Mind raped Dream.
Forceful terror
exclusive motive.
My Virgil asked me if it was for grade...
or fear...
or for love that I study...
My Dream answers LOVE!
Resume says under its breath... Grades!
And still, Truth makes known to my heart the resonating answer,
it is fear.
I awoke from a dream and knew it was time to run again. After a year off of track and the decision not to run XC this fall at SPU, it was a dream redeemed. To add to the dreams recovered from my passionate youth I have also seen special operations resurrected. The success of these pursuits is tied to the grace of God that allows me to "humble my heart to understand."
The opponent that has proved itself most formidable is that of pride. I find my self set in a new city, a new church, a new school.... no longer in the town of 80 thousand. I had 18 years of tears planted, relationships watered, and respect earned in Bend, Oregon. Now in Seattle, about 3 million strong, with my leadership now caught by the pack.
In the past I have tried to distinguish myself in running with a guitar, in music with a mile time. I don't know if you can sympathize, but that is the truth of my pride. Now that I am in a place where my running is mediocre and I am chasing the team rather than being chased... I have the opportunity to grow. The limiting factor is no longer time, but pride. I find myself afraid to be behind... afraid to feel the pain of the climb. If I could lay down my fear of failure, this pride, I will have growth.
Once again comes the question of motive... why run? For Love? For Grade? For Fear? I believe I can defeat fear as I assault my pride with every race towards Love. In that pursuit I cannot lose for Love is my goal but also my teammate, my coach, and brilliant redeemer.
The character of an endurance person is what I am after. He who endures to the end...
The discipline of embracing restraints to bring freedom is my radical revelation, and my conclusion is that these growing pains are worth the growth. Conscience to creativity! Zeal married to knowledge, and Love that has lost its blindfold!
I have so much I would love to share but my eyes burn with tiredness. The prospect of my Thanksgiving coming to a close causes me to remember the dead lines that rudely continue their request of my time. I love you all and pray that you all seize your opportunities for growth.
Grace and peace!
I feel the fear of team mates more prepared,
drive to win
terror to fail.
My pride, my pride!
I have heard and now believe, "perfect love casts out all fear." I am a fish once large in my bowl now tossed into the sea. What adventure! What unknown! The decision to feed my heart from fear or excitement is in a waltz with the fickle verdict between pride and humility.
Freshmen once again. My choice meets me face to face, moment by moment, day by day.
Will it be Daniel today? The Angelic voice picks him off his face to say.. "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard..."
Is my silence heard? That which is done in secret? Or shall I market my skill? Tell the world what I have done in my little bowl?
Listen here! I was once a big fish!
Times, grades,
height, and weight,
I will sing you my songs!
It is a clean slate.
Terrified by innocence
years since Mind raped Dream.
Forceful terror
exclusive motive.
My Virgil asked me if it was for grade...
or fear...
or for love that I study...
My Dream answers LOVE!
Resume says under its breath... Grades!
And still, Truth makes known to my heart the resonating answer,
it is fear.
I awoke from a dream and knew it was time to run again. After a year off of track and the decision not to run XC this fall at SPU, it was a dream redeemed. To add to the dreams recovered from my passionate youth I have also seen special operations resurrected. The success of these pursuits is tied to the grace of God that allows me to "humble my heart to understand."
The opponent that has proved itself most formidable is that of pride. I find my self set in a new city, a new church, a new school.... no longer in the town of 80 thousand. I had 18 years of tears planted, relationships watered, and respect earned in Bend, Oregon. Now in Seattle, about 3 million strong, with my leadership now caught by the pack.
In the past I have tried to distinguish myself in running with a guitar, in music with a mile time. I don't know if you can sympathize, but that is the truth of my pride. Now that I am in a place where my running is mediocre and I am chasing the team rather than being chased... I have the opportunity to grow. The limiting factor is no longer time, but pride. I find myself afraid to be behind... afraid to feel the pain of the climb. If I could lay down my fear of failure, this pride, I will have growth.
Once again comes the question of motive... why run? For Love? For Grade? For Fear? I believe I can defeat fear as I assault my pride with every race towards Love. In that pursuit I cannot lose for Love is my goal but also my teammate, my coach, and brilliant redeemer.
The character of an endurance person is what I am after. He who endures to the end...
The discipline of embracing restraints to bring freedom is my radical revelation, and my conclusion is that these growing pains are worth the growth. Conscience to creativity! Zeal married to knowledge, and Love that has lost its blindfold!
I have so much I would love to share but my eyes burn with tiredness. The prospect of my Thanksgiving coming to a close causes me to remember the dead lines that rudely continue their request of my time. I love you all and pray that you all seize your opportunities for growth.
Grace and peace!
Earshot Jazz Festival
There are times when I am convinced that jazz in the only methodical madness that can effectively outdo my own mind, will, and emotions. This last Tuesday night was one of those times and I was once again overtaken by the power of good live jazz. I received an unexpected invitation to Earshot Jazz Festival and accepted not knowing Earshot is praised as “one of the best Jazz festivals in America” (Seattle Times). After spending 3 and a half hours attempting to count the complexity of rhythms and being consistently surprised by the beauty of melody lines laced with in, I would whole heartedly agree with the praise.
Not only was the music superb it had a tasteful accompaniment with the atmosphere of the club itself. In my limited experience with jazz clubs it has been rare to find a classy joint without overwhelming smoke and the strong aroma of wine. This was good clean, classy, fun, without compromising the character of the atmosphere. And I must say the fun was aided by the musical and intellectual competency of the young lady I went with. Jazz, Atmosphere, and good conversation...
It was swingin!
Not only was the music superb it had a tasteful accompaniment with the atmosphere of the club itself. In my limited experience with jazz clubs it has been rare to find a classy joint without overwhelming smoke and the strong aroma of wine. This was good clean, classy, fun, without compromising the character of the atmosphere. And I must say the fun was aided by the musical and intellectual competency of the young lady I went with. Jazz, Atmosphere, and good conversation...
It was swingin!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Friend, Fantasy, and Allegiance
With a to-do list the size of Texas and my heart constantly desiring to love anything shinny I find myself a wee bit busy. It is a new busy for me but I still do not have free time enough to do the kind of blogging I have dreamed of. This new busy I would like to describe to you in the first of what I am hoping will be a three part series describing the newness of life. Part 1. Friend, 2. Fantasy, and 3. Allegiance which will be my focus tonight.
When I wake up at 4:30 am after a night of trying to hide away from the traditions of a scandalous floor I wake to the darkness. This darkness I have known before and I have charged into it morning run after morning run as I strained towards my dreams in high school cross country. This darkness and I have become the sort of friends where silence has become the best solace.
When I need to vent my frustrations I beat the air and the pavement, I throw my heart out to the Wind and I bring my body to an endorphin stimulated attention.
In this attention whether prayer be my vehicle, the power of the darkness my cloak, or the breaking of silence my release I come into fellowship with revelation. You know that place, that state of being where human understanding is at its hight yet still you are left with desire? That place I find regularly in philosophy, theology, art, and all the things I love but at that moment of weakness comes revelation.
My revelations have been sometimes to complicated to tell and sometimes to simple in their beauty that I must share them in person or keep them locked in the intimacy of memory and prayerful meditation.
One I will be free to divulge is that of a revelation of my allegiance specifically in the growth and process that Air Fore ROTC has instigated. Our first flight letter was sent out on the second week of SPU classes and I climbed through the thickets of antonyms I found the order to learn the Airman's Creed. I opened the attachment to read...
I am an American Airman
I am a warrior
I have answered my nations call
I am an American Airman
My mission is to fly, fight, and win
I am faithful to a proud heritage
to a tradition of honor
and a legacy of valor
I am an American Airman
Guardian of freedom and justice
my nations sword and shield
its sentry and avenger
I defend my country with my life
I am an American Airman
Wingman, Leader, Warrior.
I will never leave an Airman behind
I will never falter
and I will not fail.
This is a declaration that I found myself immediately judging. Thinking, "I am not a warrior. Would I give my life for this country? A nation? What is this legacy? I worked on memorization but my intellect fought my heart into a disposition that was less than amiable. I found myself in a tension caught between the dreams of my youth and the visions set before me and those laid behind. My struggle was not birthed by the Creed alone but was rather more grounded in years of questioning the military with the new testament.
These struggles came to yet another point where I needed Revelation to send aid badly. And aid came in the form of my uniform, a benefit concert, and a counseling appointment.
I received a text asking if I was available to play a benefit concert this last friday and in summery I was able to make it. Not only was I able to make it but instead of just playing drums for the main band I played my own music for an hour during the silent auction. This allowed for me to be able to grab time with the director of Stop Child Trafficking Now. He is a pastor of warriors and has been involved with special operations militarily and inside of criminal justice with the demand side of trafficking. He was able to draw out a specific passage in the gospels which describes a centurion who comes to Jesus and asks him to heal his servant. In the Jordish paraphrase Jesus offers to go with him and he says he is not worthy but knows because he is under authority that Jesus has authority to command healing and see it done. Jesus goes on to praise his faith as the greatest in all of Israel.
From this one account he fed me some thoughts. First, Jesus never condemned a soldier for his job or told him to change his profession. In fact in this instance he is praised for his faith and understanding of authority. My teacher then began to point out the obvious that the old testament was not meant to be apart from the new, nor do they contradict. Also that God told warriors like David and Saul to kill whole people groups even though the fifth commandment says we are not to murder. "There is a difference between kill and murder" he elaborated. "God does not contradict himself."
This was Revelation that confirmed what I felt God speaking to me but could not surrender to which is further solidified for me through my uniform.
I wore my uniform it for the first inspection of the year and was again given the instructions to know the Airman's Creed well. This time I spoke it out into my empty room as I prepared the night before. The louder and more sure I became with the words the more my heart was able to grab hold. My heart and spirit finally collided into alignment with my mind when inspection came and Detachment 910 yelled in unison our Creed. It became mine just as the uniform aided the revelation of my commitment. I stood at attention eyes just above the horizon proclaiming I am an American Airman, I am a warrior! It was not brian wash or fear that instigated Revelation but the realization of begin a part of a cause much greater than I, a proud heritage.
I was no longer in conflict in my mind and my heart was at peace even while begin inspected! I wish I could be dancing excitedly in front of you to add emphasis to my fresh joy. This joy was sealed in me during a counseling appointment with my teacher and captain who are one and the same. Capt. Morgan told me about the lounge of the special forces units she has worked with. She said the lounge was lined with books,their was often chess going on, and it was surprisingly calm. She told me that they are not looking for crazy people but normal people disciplined in doing crazy things.
That Revelation brought my heart to life and my childhood dreams claim to a hold in my practical pursuits once more!
Oh the adventure I have been lead to! I my pledge allegiance to God and he guides my steps some times in spite of my plans.
Signing out! Dream well and God bless you!
When I wake up at 4:30 am after a night of trying to hide away from the traditions of a scandalous floor I wake to the darkness. This darkness I have known before and I have charged into it morning run after morning run as I strained towards my dreams in high school cross country. This darkness and I have become the sort of friends where silence has become the best solace.
When I need to vent my frustrations I beat the air and the pavement, I throw my heart out to the Wind and I bring my body to an endorphin stimulated attention.
In this attention whether prayer be my vehicle, the power of the darkness my cloak, or the breaking of silence my release I come into fellowship with revelation. You know that place, that state of being where human understanding is at its hight yet still you are left with desire? That place I find regularly in philosophy, theology, art, and all the things I love but at that moment of weakness comes revelation.
My revelations have been sometimes to complicated to tell and sometimes to simple in their beauty that I must share them in person or keep them locked in the intimacy of memory and prayerful meditation.
One I will be free to divulge is that of a revelation of my allegiance specifically in the growth and process that Air Fore ROTC has instigated. Our first flight letter was sent out on the second week of SPU classes and I climbed through the thickets of antonyms I found the order to learn the Airman's Creed. I opened the attachment to read...
I am an American Airman
I am a warrior
I have answered my nations call
I am an American Airman
My mission is to fly, fight, and win
I am faithful to a proud heritage
to a tradition of honor
and a legacy of valor
I am an American Airman
Guardian of freedom and justice
my nations sword and shield
its sentry and avenger
I defend my country with my life
I am an American Airman
Wingman, Leader, Warrior.
I will never leave an Airman behind
I will never falter
and I will not fail.
This is a declaration that I found myself immediately judging. Thinking, "I am not a warrior. Would I give my life for this country? A nation? What is this legacy? I worked on memorization but my intellect fought my heart into a disposition that was less than amiable. I found myself in a tension caught between the dreams of my youth and the visions set before me and those laid behind. My struggle was not birthed by the Creed alone but was rather more grounded in years of questioning the military with the new testament.
These struggles came to yet another point where I needed Revelation to send aid badly. And aid came in the form of my uniform, a benefit concert, and a counseling appointment.
I received a text asking if I was available to play a benefit concert this last friday and in summery I was able to make it. Not only was I able to make it but instead of just playing drums for the main band I played my own music for an hour during the silent auction. This allowed for me to be able to grab time with the director of Stop Child Trafficking Now. He is a pastor of warriors and has been involved with special operations militarily and inside of criminal justice with the demand side of trafficking. He was able to draw out a specific passage in the gospels which describes a centurion who comes to Jesus and asks him to heal his servant. In the Jordish paraphrase Jesus offers to go with him and he says he is not worthy but knows because he is under authority that Jesus has authority to command healing and see it done. Jesus goes on to praise his faith as the greatest in all of Israel.
From this one account he fed me some thoughts. First, Jesus never condemned a soldier for his job or told him to change his profession. In fact in this instance he is praised for his faith and understanding of authority. My teacher then began to point out the obvious that the old testament was not meant to be apart from the new, nor do they contradict. Also that God told warriors like David and Saul to kill whole people groups even though the fifth commandment says we are not to murder. "There is a difference between kill and murder" he elaborated. "God does not contradict himself."
This was Revelation that confirmed what I felt God speaking to me but could not surrender to which is further solidified for me through my uniform.
I wore my uniform it for the first inspection of the year and was again given the instructions to know the Airman's Creed well. This time I spoke it out into my empty room as I prepared the night before. The louder and more sure I became with the words the more my heart was able to grab hold. My heart and spirit finally collided into alignment with my mind when inspection came and Detachment 910 yelled in unison our Creed. It became mine just as the uniform aided the revelation of my commitment. I stood at attention eyes just above the horizon proclaiming I am an American Airman, I am a warrior! It was not brian wash or fear that instigated Revelation but the realization of begin a part of a cause much greater than I, a proud heritage.
I was no longer in conflict in my mind and my heart was at peace even while begin inspected! I wish I could be dancing excitedly in front of you to add emphasis to my fresh joy. This joy was sealed in me during a counseling appointment with my teacher and captain who are one and the same. Capt. Morgan told me about the lounge of the special forces units she has worked with. She said the lounge was lined with books,their was often chess going on, and it was surprisingly calm. She told me that they are not looking for crazy people but normal people disciplined in doing crazy things.
That Revelation brought my heart to life and my childhood dreams claim to a hold in my practical pursuits once more!
Oh the adventure I have been lead to! I my pledge allegiance to God and he guides my steps some times in spite of my plans.
Signing out! Dream well and God bless you!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
In need of Vaseline
So my friends I decided to write a little training blog because I am terrible at keeping a log and I can both update you on my life and record at least some basics of what my training has been. Generation Interns ended about two and a half weeks ago and I moved yet again into the wonderful Russell household in the little country city of Monroe. As I drove the 40 minutes or so it took to get out there from Issaquah I decided I really want be a to runner again. The issue I had with running is that my whole has been a very inconsistent schedule packed with multiple moves, trips, camps, and late nights. (that were mostly out of my control due to the financial necessity of car pooling.) I had been running at best 20 miles a week and hitting the gym on average about three times a week when I was at the church dorms and had the Y accessible. I had been eating anything that was free so my nutrition was basically lots of barbeque that I tried to adapt into a salad by stealing all the condiments and throwing them around. All of this is the rough frame for my frustration the inconsistency I was hoping to kill while in Monroe.
The morning after I moved in I went for about 6 miles, it felt good to be out but slow. The next day I did three on the treadmill one of which was a five minute mile and then hammered some weights. The next week the Russell family went to the beach and I was house sitting so my plan was to rest, eat better, fast coffee, and get back into running shape. Then I got sick and was forced to sleep more and train less than I had wanted but I continued to run light miles non the less. After a week of sickness and sleep the Russells came home and I tried once again to regain a somewhat normal sleep and eating schedule.
On the Sunday of the 30th my room mate from the Plateau dorms told me that his buddy was putting on a 50k race and gave me the info. A couple days later after getting back into my normalish-mildly-crazy-running-self I posted a Facebook status asking if anyone would be willing to pitch in and help me run a race. Within about 20 minutes I had the race, new shoes, and some fuel paid for. I also sent an email to the race director asking for any sort of a scholarship and he knocked off five bucks. After that I immediately threw on the short shorts strapped on my shoes and did an hour and twenty minute run before I had to take off for worship practice. It hurt so good! For the first time since my last high school cross country race I felt adrenaline pulsing through my veins as my legs struck the pavement with new purpose and my mind ran wild pondering the pain and possibility of what this race in 20 days could hold. For those of you who are not runners and do not understand the joy released in the pain of endurance I encourage you to move beyond your mind and try it sometime. For those of you that are runners and are thinking me crazy for running a 32 mile race with only a month of solid training I would say move beyond your head sometime too and don't get caught by what is the supposed right way to things. Running is science but it is also madness and you need both to maintain the wonderful adventure of it!
The next day I sent my registration in, bought some electrolyte mixes, slim right drinks, and some disposable razors. Within about four days I had my legs freshly shaved, my spandex dug out of the back of my truck, and almost 50 miles fresh on my legs. The adventure begins!
So how do you train with under three weeks till a 50k, I don't really know... But I know the coarse has 6000 feet of elevation gain and 7000 feet of decent strung out over three major peaks so I decided I should do some hills. Now usually hills are a part of base training but remember I did not have time for that so I would have to depend on the weights I had lifted and a couple of quality hilly runs. It worked out wonderfully that two days before I knew I was going to race I did a workout I call the 800 of death on SPU's track. The 800 of death is basically 400 meters of lunges and then 4x100 meter build ups sandwiched in between a mile warm up and a mile cool down plus a few recovery laps here and there. I did this workout after meeting for prayer with two awesome guys Josh, and Stephen and I wanted to push myself and help them push themselves. Little did I know I was not in the fitness I was used to when I would do the 800 of death. It felt great while doing it but what was awesome is that we had an all church get together the next day and non of us could hardly move. We walked around laughing at each other because of or funny looking limp. That workout was fallowed by a rest day then I tried to run three recovery miles that felt as though I was running on two stick legs. The next day was when I was crazy excited and hammered out an hour twenty all jacked up with my head in the clouds. since then I have alternated usually a five to eight miler with a ten to fifteen miler. Two days ago I got the the ghetto Monroe middle school track and had my host bro Andrew time me as I did a little over a five mile tempo. I consistently ran under seven minute pace until my stomach decided to launch a revolt reminding me I still need to do better on my nutrition. I got onto runners world and used the pace calculator to figure out what it would take to finish in under 4 hours with the result being a 7:30 pace. Yesterday I plugged away at another hilly long run of about 12 miles with 4 hill repeats at mile 5. I managed close to goal pace but felt my legs lagging from the tempo the day before and the soreness of legs surprised by lots of miles thrown at them over a short period of time.
At the moment I am spending my day at my home away from home (Starbucks) and writing, resting, and reading away from the house for a bit.
Oh and the reason for the title.. ask a runner who has ever run long miles. Love you guys!
The morning after I moved in I went for about 6 miles, it felt good to be out but slow. The next day I did three on the treadmill one of which was a five minute mile and then hammered some weights. The next week the Russell family went to the beach and I was house sitting so my plan was to rest, eat better, fast coffee, and get back into running shape. Then I got sick and was forced to sleep more and train less than I had wanted but I continued to run light miles non the less. After a week of sickness and sleep the Russells came home and I tried once again to regain a somewhat normal sleep and eating schedule.
On the Sunday of the 30th my room mate from the Plateau dorms told me that his buddy was putting on a 50k race and gave me the info. A couple days later after getting back into my normalish-mildly-crazy-running-self I posted a Facebook status asking if anyone would be willing to pitch in and help me run a race. Within about 20 minutes I had the race, new shoes, and some fuel paid for. I also sent an email to the race director asking for any sort of a scholarship and he knocked off five bucks. After that I immediately threw on the short shorts strapped on my shoes and did an hour and twenty minute run before I had to take off for worship practice. It hurt so good! For the first time since my last high school cross country race I felt adrenaline pulsing through my veins as my legs struck the pavement with new purpose and my mind ran wild pondering the pain and possibility of what this race in 20 days could hold. For those of you who are not runners and do not understand the joy released in the pain of endurance I encourage you to move beyond your mind and try it sometime. For those of you that are runners and are thinking me crazy for running a 32 mile race with only a month of solid training I would say move beyond your head sometime too and don't get caught by what is the supposed right way to things. Running is science but it is also madness and you need both to maintain the wonderful adventure of it!
The next day I sent my registration in, bought some electrolyte mixes, slim right drinks, and some disposable razors. Within about four days I had my legs freshly shaved, my spandex dug out of the back of my truck, and almost 50 miles fresh on my legs. The adventure begins!
So how do you train with under three weeks till a 50k, I don't really know... But I know the coarse has 6000 feet of elevation gain and 7000 feet of decent strung out over three major peaks so I decided I should do some hills. Now usually hills are a part of base training but remember I did not have time for that so I would have to depend on the weights I had lifted and a couple of quality hilly runs. It worked out wonderfully that two days before I knew I was going to race I did a workout I call the 800 of death on SPU's track. The 800 of death is basically 400 meters of lunges and then 4x100 meter build ups sandwiched in between a mile warm up and a mile cool down plus a few recovery laps here and there. I did this workout after meeting for prayer with two awesome guys Josh, and Stephen and I wanted to push myself and help them push themselves. Little did I know I was not in the fitness I was used to when I would do the 800 of death. It felt great while doing it but what was awesome is that we had an all church get together the next day and non of us could hardly move. We walked around laughing at each other because of or funny looking limp. That workout was fallowed by a rest day then I tried to run three recovery miles that felt as though I was running on two stick legs. The next day was when I was crazy excited and hammered out an hour twenty all jacked up with my head in the clouds. since then I have alternated usually a five to eight miler with a ten to fifteen miler. Two days ago I got the the ghetto Monroe middle school track and had my host bro Andrew time me as I did a little over a five mile tempo. I consistently ran under seven minute pace until my stomach decided to launch a revolt reminding me I still need to do better on my nutrition. I got onto runners world and used the pace calculator to figure out what it would take to finish in under 4 hours with the result being a 7:30 pace. Yesterday I plugged away at another hilly long run of about 12 miles with 4 hill repeats at mile 5. I managed close to goal pace but felt my legs lagging from the tempo the day before and the soreness of legs surprised by lots of miles thrown at them over a short period of time.
At the moment I am spending my day at my home away from home (Starbucks) and writing, resting, and reading away from the house for a bit.
Oh and the reason for the title.. ask a runner who has ever run long miles. Love you guys!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Question for the Ladies?
I have been falling asleep at random times lately due to severe exhaustion from a crazy summer and a bitter fight between me and a cold. Today as the cold was beating me down I decided to retaliate with lots of OJ and a nap. After the nap I was supposed to get up and go to Cadre (small group for all you non-seattlites) but I did what I have been doing more and more in these days of late and rolled back over to sleep some more. So I slept off and on from three to ten pm, missed Cadre, and missed dinner. Though I do have great drive and hunger for relationship with fellow men of God and super smash bros I am pretty sure that my stomach was the only driver that was able to move me from my bed today. At ten o clock the master driver of my stomach led me into the kitchen where I found unguarded left overs on the stove. As reached out to take of them my housemate whose name I still do not know came around the corner scaring me half to death with a kind suggestion that I should help myself to the spaghetti he had prepared.
All of that was to say I am up still now at 1:33 in the morning I cannot sleep, I am fighting a cold, away from home, living in a house with a kind man whose name I do not know, and I am thinking. My thought and question go as follows...
I brushed my teeth again around midnight due to finding some mint hot cocoa mix. The hot cocoa compelled me to get a blanket and the blanket instigated the thought that I should go on a trek to the lake across the street. As the water was being warmed I decided that I would probably get tired by the time I got over to the lake and it would be a pain coming back so I found a compromise with the back porch and a comfy little chair under a beautiful star lit sky. As I sat I began to think about the teeth I just brushed and how they reflect my character... strange I know. After I thought of the teeth I needed something to write with because I already had to many thoughts going through my head I need to sort them a little bit. So then I grabbed my mac as the tool of choice and have planted myself back on the porch. Out of the many thoughts I contemplated sharing with you I fought with three main ideas. First the analogy of my teeth and character which I decided was to personal. Second, I thought about writing a list of things I do not like about myself because I am in that sort of mood, decided that is not a very hot blog topic. So my third and my final decision is a Question for the Ladies.
My question stems from the thought string that I was flowing in earlier which some may describe as self hatred but I would rather deem as the inspiration for escape, adventure, and pursuit of improvement. I am completely and theologically convinced that the only real improvement that lasts and allows the settling of a person is found in the person of Jesus and his grace. The thoughts that cause me to write out a list of things I hate about myself also inspires me to dream. This may confuse some but when reality of who you are is something you hate, you must find some hope of escape in some other source. Jesus would be the lasting and real hope for change, redemption, and holiness but I tend to lean more towards goals, dreams, and drive. This drive leads me to the end of myself (law) and makes me want more... adventure, life, relationship,jumping trains. How about you? I need to sleep, this will be continued in the morning.
All of that was to say I am up still now at 1:33 in the morning I cannot sleep, I am fighting a cold, away from home, living in a house with a kind man whose name I do not know, and I am thinking. My thought and question go as follows...
I brushed my teeth again around midnight due to finding some mint hot cocoa mix. The hot cocoa compelled me to get a blanket and the blanket instigated the thought that I should go on a trek to the lake across the street. As the water was being warmed I decided that I would probably get tired by the time I got over to the lake and it would be a pain coming back so I found a compromise with the back porch and a comfy little chair under a beautiful star lit sky. As I sat I began to think about the teeth I just brushed and how they reflect my character... strange I know. After I thought of the teeth I needed something to write with because I already had to many thoughts going through my head I need to sort them a little bit. So then I grabbed my mac as the tool of choice and have planted myself back on the porch. Out of the many thoughts I contemplated sharing with you I fought with three main ideas. First the analogy of my teeth and character which I decided was to personal. Second, I thought about writing a list of things I do not like about myself because I am in that sort of mood, decided that is not a very hot blog topic. So my third and my final decision is a Question for the Ladies.
My question stems from the thought string that I was flowing in earlier which some may describe as self hatred but I would rather deem as the inspiration for escape, adventure, and pursuit of improvement. I am completely and theologically convinced that the only real improvement that lasts and allows the settling of a person is found in the person of Jesus and his grace. The thoughts that cause me to write out a list of things I hate about myself also inspires me to dream. This may confuse some but when reality of who you are is something you hate, you must find some hope of escape in some other source. Jesus would be the lasting and real hope for change, redemption, and holiness but I tend to lean more towards goals, dreams, and drive. This drive leads me to the end of myself (law) and makes me want more... adventure, life, relationship,jumping trains. How about you? I need to sleep, this will be continued in the morning.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Jig-Saw
Moved out from the dorms in the Cascade wing and am now sharing a small apartment with 3 guys. Like a jig saw puzzle we are slowly piecing our belongings into place. food, instruments, a bunk bed, a full size, small desk, suit cases of clothes, shoes, and everything else. Ernest (my trusty red truck) has been a servant worthy of mentioning due to his incredible size and hence ability to store the excess. Though Ernest is nearly impossible to park in busy Seattle he has non the less been an awesome blessing.
I just returned from a trip to Christian Renewal Center in Silver Falls Oregon and on the way back up drove in tandem with my wonderful friend Emilie, my accomplice in crime Elisha , and my beautiful sister Jessica. These three have helped me move in and are now accompanying me in my explorative adventures of Seattle area.
I am having a blast and continuing to learn and grow a ton. Still struggling with my self and battling with many ideas, possibilities, and opportunities. Experiencing freedom in a new degree and learning the responsibilities of that freedom. I have begun to realize more and more in being away from home that my real home is the presence of God. I am learning to be vulnerable which is a massive challenge for me, learning to be confident with pride or false humility, I am learning that self discipline cannot be the main vehicle for change but rather the presence of God and vulnerability inside of covenant relationship with him and people. It has been a very good, very exciting, and subtly hard adventure but I cannot wait to see what is coming.
Don't relent! I love you all...
I just returned from a trip to Christian Renewal Center in Silver Falls Oregon and on the way back up drove in tandem with my wonderful friend Emilie, my accomplice in crime Elisha , and my beautiful sister Jessica. These three have helped me move in and are now accompanying me in my explorative adventures of Seattle area.
I am having a blast and continuing to learn and grow a ton. Still struggling with my self and battling with many ideas, possibilities, and opportunities. Experiencing freedom in a new degree and learning the responsibilities of that freedom. I have begun to realize more and more in being away from home that my real home is the presence of God. I am learning to be vulnerable which is a massive challenge for me, learning to be confident with pride or false humility, I am learning that self discipline cannot be the main vehicle for change but rather the presence of God and vulnerability inside of covenant relationship with him and people. It has been a very good, very exciting, and subtly hard adventure but I cannot wait to see what is coming.
Don't relent! I love you all...
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sleepless in Seattle
So they say it rains in Seattle but every time I have visited and for the entirety of the time I have been here it has rained a maximum of four or five times. In fact I would absolutely love to have some rain, cloud cover, just a little something to break the heat. It been such a challenge to sleep in the heat I have almost mastered an art of opening and closing doors windows and positioning fans. (and lake jumps throughout the night) We set an all time record in the heat yesterday and I chose to go on a little run/exploration of some trails which gave me a fresh realization of the power of heat to drain the body. At the moment I am chillin in my dorm room which praise the Lord is on the ground level and taking the lunch break to hide from the heat. Today we studied Melchizedek and the continuance of the Abrahamic covenant which rocked my world and after lunch we are headed to do ministry track at a city ministry call Jubilee Reach. Gonna be fresh! Hot and fresh! Tonight we have to move our stuff across campus to some apartments where I will be sharing a room with I believe four or five other guys while remodels and maintenance are being done on our dorms. So at the same time as I pack my room I will be packing for a trip to Oregon for family camp in Silver Falls. Praise the Lord that Central District service was cancelled due to the heat or rather lack of air conditioning, otherwise I would be rockin out on the drums being cooked by the sky light that shines solely on the drums. Anywho, I am way excited for this weekend and the summer has been incredible. The freedom is awesome but also comes with a new degree of responsibility and so I would say to all my high school friends do not rush. Be excited and pray and plan but live well where you are right now. What you do now is what builds the platform for your life and ministry in the future. And before I say goodbye I want to dispense the lie that says when you leave home you will be able to change a lot easier and run after God more passionately with less distractions. Totally untrue, it is the day to day pursuit of God that brings real and lasting change in life not solely a change in environment although physical positioning has benefits. I love you all and pray that you would know who you are, a kingdom of priests and kings!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
A penny worth
Focal Point Series, part 5 entitled Him We Preach by Judah Smith. June 21, 09
First Sunday at the Plateau Campus and exactly what I needed. This message was so on target with where my heart has been these last couple weeks it was as though almost every thought and prayer I have prayed Judah had studied out. The message was out of Colossians 1:21-2:3 and one new thing I learned in his introduction is that Colossians is referred to as the most Christ centered book in the bible because how many times it references Jesus and how it explains his relationship with the Father. In interior design a focal point needs to be decided off of which you then construct the flow, placement, and pattern in which everything else is placed. The focal point is Jesus, he is the corner stone, not a topic or discipline but the person of Jesus Christ. There must be a renewing of the mind that allows us to put Jesus as focal point and not Jesus + other things. The message was basically that maturity is to be basic, to be simple. The gospel is simple and we need to return to simplicity. It is all about Jesus, not Jesus and a degree, or Jesus and an internship or the right pastor or anything else. It is not about prayer from an anointed leader, not about the most recent book, not about 21 steps or a secret to life. Jesus is it and there must be a return to him. Be mature, be simple.
Devotions Monday June 22, 2009
1 Tim 4: This whole section has always been one of may favorites because of its never ceasing relevance to my life. I am young and I am an athlete so verse 8 which talks about physical fitness and verse 12 which talks about setting an example for believers in youth, speak to me clearly. I have been trying to study a little deeper when I read by using multiple translations. I find that with the diversity of word choice I can usually wrap my head around it a ton better. So today I have been in the ESV and The Message translations. One of the verses that stuck out to me was verse four and five which in the ESV say, "For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if accepted with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer." In The Message, "Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks. Nothing is to be sneered at and thrown out. God's word and our prayers make every item in creation holy." Stinkin awesome! This connects back to yesterdays notes when talking about the simplicity that truth is as opposed to the lies that would say salvation is found in not eating this or that and never getting married. Sorry, it is just Jesus. It is all about the pursuit of him and in that comes an incredible holiness, because as we run after God we are also fleeing from sin. Okay verse 8 in the ESV is a verse most of us know well, "for while bodily training is of some value, Godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise fro the present life and the one to come." I love the Message on this one, "Exorcise daily in God- no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever." It is all about the daily pursuit of God. Training for godliness. Finally lets look at verses 15 and 16 in the message, " Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. the people will see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on your charactor and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it." Practical application: Keep at it.
First Sunday at the Plateau Campus and exactly what I needed. This message was so on target with where my heart has been these last couple weeks it was as though almost every thought and prayer I have prayed Judah had studied out. The message was out of Colossians 1:21-2:3 and one new thing I learned in his introduction is that Colossians is referred to as the most Christ centered book in the bible because how many times it references Jesus and how it explains his relationship with the Father. In interior design a focal point needs to be decided off of which you then construct the flow, placement, and pattern in which everything else is placed. The focal point is Jesus, he is the corner stone, not a topic or discipline but the person of Jesus Christ. There must be a renewing of the mind that allows us to put Jesus as focal point and not Jesus + other things. The message was basically that maturity is to be basic, to be simple. The gospel is simple and we need to return to simplicity. It is all about Jesus, not Jesus and a degree, or Jesus and an internship or the right pastor or anything else. It is not about prayer from an anointed leader, not about the most recent book, not about 21 steps or a secret to life. Jesus is it and there must be a return to him. Be mature, be simple.
Devotions Monday June 22, 2009
1 Tim 4: This whole section has always been one of may favorites because of its never ceasing relevance to my life. I am young and I am an athlete so verse 8 which talks about physical fitness and verse 12 which talks about setting an example for believers in youth, speak to me clearly. I have been trying to study a little deeper when I read by using multiple translations. I find that with the diversity of word choice I can usually wrap my head around it a ton better. So today I have been in the ESV and The Message translations. One of the verses that stuck out to me was verse four and five which in the ESV say, "For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if accepted with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer." In The Message, "Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks. Nothing is to be sneered at and thrown out. God's word and our prayers make every item in creation holy." Stinkin awesome! This connects back to yesterdays notes when talking about the simplicity that truth is as opposed to the lies that would say salvation is found in not eating this or that and never getting married. Sorry, it is just Jesus. It is all about the pursuit of him and in that comes an incredible holiness, because as we run after God we are also fleeing from sin. Okay verse 8 in the ESV is a verse most of us know well, "for while bodily training is of some value, Godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise fro the present life and the one to come." I love the Message on this one, "Exorcise daily in God- no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever." It is all about the daily pursuit of God. Training for godliness. Finally lets look at verses 15 and 16 in the message, " Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. the people will see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on your charactor and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it." Practical application: Keep at it.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Pursuit Beyond Program
1 Timothy 1-2 Devotions: June 19 and 20
Chapter 1: 3-11 Was rich this morning! Specifically in its reference to the use of the law. The Law as verse nine says is for the lawbreakers and rebels, ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious. One of the most massive mistakes we make with the law is making it for the righteous. We try really hard to keep it, to run from the sin it reveals, and focus on the law as the vehicle or the standard of holiness. We need new some new perspective. 2 Timothy 2:22 Says, "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." This one of the things Paster Elijah was showing us yesterday, it first says "flee from youthful passions" Then secondly says, " pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace. So often we focus on fleeing, which is instigated by law, rather than the pursuit of God, which is inspired by grace. When caught up in the pursuit of God in faith and by grace it causes a dual effect on our lives. First, we are running after God then secondly, as a result, we are fleeing from sin and unholiness. The focus should not be on sin or upon fleeing but rather on the one who has saved us from sin the pursuit of him. The worship, the focus and effort should all be unto him to make him paramount on our lives. When this happens sin is not only left behind but it is not given the same focus we allow it when fleeing from it.
The commission we were given from Elijah who is the new youth pastor at GC was simple and powerful, make this summer a pursuit. A pursuit that goes beyond program, beyond requirements, and even beyond previous sin issues in our lives. 1 Tim 6:11 "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness."
So what are we pursuing? How do we do it? Practical application anyone? Well, I think one of the most powerful pieces God impressed upon my heart is that of pressing on. Phil 3:12-14 "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ has made me his own. Brothers I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I believe it is time to forget the past of the sin that used to master you and I. It is time to press on and make it mine! Practically that means it is time for me to place God as the only one in my scope. For the last four years it has been God and this, that, and the other. Not that God was not still center stage but in this summer he is the only one, the only thing. Memorization has become something high on my list of valuable disciplines.
Psalms 27:4 "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and inquire in his temple." One thing... Strange concept for me. The power in having vision that is singular i that of unity. Division=double vision. I have had up to 8 visions pulling on my heart and it caused such turmoil and ineffectiveness that I have become willing to lay down things that I love and surrender them to the vision of God for my life. He has proved a much better visionary than myself and he is faithful. When he says seek first the kingdom and all these things will be added to you, he means it! So it is a one thing summer, it is about pursuit and not about fleeing, it is about grace and not law.
Chapter 1: 3-11 Was rich this morning! Specifically in its reference to the use of the law. The Law as verse nine says is for the lawbreakers and rebels, ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious. One of the most massive mistakes we make with the law is making it for the righteous. We try really hard to keep it, to run from the sin it reveals, and focus on the law as the vehicle or the standard of holiness. We need new some new perspective. 2 Timothy 2:22 Says, "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." This one of the things Paster Elijah was showing us yesterday, it first says "flee from youthful passions" Then secondly says, " pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace. So often we focus on fleeing, which is instigated by law, rather than the pursuit of God, which is inspired by grace. When caught up in the pursuit of God in faith and by grace it causes a dual effect on our lives. First, we are running after God then secondly, as a result, we are fleeing from sin and unholiness. The focus should not be on sin or upon fleeing but rather on the one who has saved us from sin the pursuit of him. The worship, the focus and effort should all be unto him to make him paramount on our lives. When this happens sin is not only left behind but it is not given the same focus we allow it when fleeing from it.
The commission we were given from Elijah who is the new youth pastor at GC was simple and powerful, make this summer a pursuit. A pursuit that goes beyond program, beyond requirements, and even beyond previous sin issues in our lives. 1 Tim 6:11 "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness."
So what are we pursuing? How do we do it? Practical application anyone? Well, I think one of the most powerful pieces God impressed upon my heart is that of pressing on. Phil 3:12-14 "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ has made me his own. Brothers I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I believe it is time to forget the past of the sin that used to master you and I. It is time to press on and make it mine! Practically that means it is time for me to place God as the only one in my scope. For the last four years it has been God and this, that, and the other. Not that God was not still center stage but in this summer he is the only one, the only thing. Memorization has become something high on my list of valuable disciplines.
Psalms 27:4 "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and inquire in his temple." One thing... Strange concept for me. The power in having vision that is singular i that of unity. Division=double vision. I have had up to 8 visions pulling on my heart and it caused such turmoil and ineffectiveness that I have become willing to lay down things that I love and surrender them to the vision of God for my life. He has proved a much better visionary than myself and he is faithful. When he says seek first the kingdom and all these things will be added to you, he means it! So it is a one thing summer, it is about pursuit and not about fleeing, it is about grace and not law.
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