Jordan in the Raw

Running Quotes... :)

2010-06-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

"There is No Finish Line
Sooner or later the serious runner goes through a special, very personal experience that is unknown to most people.
Some call it euphoria. Others say it's a new kind of mystical experience that propels you into an elevated state of consciousness.
A flash of joy. A sense of floating as you run.
The experience is unique to each of us, but when it happens you break through a barrier that separates you from casual runners. Forever.
And from that point on, there is no finish line.
You run for your life. You begin to be addicted to what running gives you.
Beating the competition is relatively easy.
But beating yourself is a never ending commitment."
Author Unknown

"Cross Country - Finally a practical use for golf courses."

"Some people don't have the guts for distance racing. The polite term for them is sprinters."

"It is simply that we can all be good boys and wear our letter sweaters around and get our little degrees and find some nice girl to settle, you know, down with... take up what a friend of ours calls the hearty challenges of lawn care... Or we can blaze! Become legends in our own time, strike fear in the heart of mediocre talent everywhere! We can scald dogs, put records out of reach! Make the stands gasp as we blow into an unearthly kick from three hundred yards out! We can become God's own messengers delivering the dreaded scrolls! We can race dark Satan himself till he wheezes fiery cinders down the back straightaway....They'll speak our names in hushed tones, 'those guys are animals' they'll say! We can lay it on the line, bust a gut, show them a clean pair of heels. We can sprint the turn on a spring breeze and feel the winter leave our feet! We can, by God, let our demons loose and just wail on!"- Once a Runner

What was the secret, they wanted to know; in a thousand different ways they wanted to know The Secret. And not one of them was prepared, truly prepared to believe that it had not so much to do with chemicals and zippy mental tricks as with that most unprofound and sometimes heart-rending process of removing, molecule by molecule, the very tough rubber that comprised the bottoms of his training shoes. The Trial of Miles, Miles of Trials. How could they be expected to understand that?"- OAR

Growing Pains

2010-05-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

“If thoughts have consequences, then college has consequences. Thoughts do have consequences. So, college has consequences.” This is a simple argument in the famous argumentation form called Modus Ponens. In Logic we are learning that one set of premises in an argument can lead to conclusions in many seemingly unrelated arguments. Though this seems simple the effects of logic and the consequences of thought are monumental. In UFND we have discussed the effects of Protestant thought that have gone to conclusions Luther, Calvin, and many of the other reformers may not have wanted. In History of Ethics I began to see the cycles throughout time in which one thought process triggered many other consequential theories. These theories were more often than not pushing into to the uncomfortable extremes both for and against the original thought. These consequences of thought have split churches, propelled revolutions, and laid foundations for further thought…further consequences.
Whether it is the Power of Logic in philosophy classes, the power of a story in literature classes, or simply learning how to budget time and money while living in college the consequences are massive! And we a barraged with so many thoughts it is easy to be overwhelmed. Do women belong in ministry? Should a secular Jewish state exist? Predestination? Can warfare or violence be justified with “New Testament” Theology? Should we wait for God to execute Justice? Where is the balance between waiting for God to act and humans acting? Or does God not use the fallible? All of these questions hit me like a growth spurt hits a child in puberty. I thought my voice was one tone and then it shifts, cracks, and sounds as though some strange force has possessed me! I am realizing that the worldview in which I have been raised has consequences much larger than I could have dreamed only a year or two ago. These consequences have captured my conscience and catapulted me into a very exciting challenge in which I must decide how to respond.
There seems to be three general responses with young people in their relationship to their parents during the turbulence of puberty, rebellion, clinging, or growth. These responses mirror the reactions that the church had to modernity. The two extremes are in summery, digging in and defending or adjusting to the pressures of scientific and historical inquiry. These responses, though grossly oversimplified, are like clinging onto what one has been raised to believe or rebelling against the traditional disciplines. The third option of growth involves living a life unafraid to pursue truth wherever it leads. I like what Saint Augustine Had to say in “On Christian Teaching”
“A person who is a good and true Christian should realize that truth belongs to his Lord, wherever it is found, gathering and acknowledging it even in pagan literature, but rejecting superstitious vanities and deploring and avoiding those who 'though they knew God did not glorify him as God...”

So all truth is God’s truth and this growth is an ongoing and challenging process that takes time. The pursuit of truth is a lifelong discipline. The other two responses are a form of intellectual coping out because you either have to make the truth flexible enough to fit into your ideas or give up on trying to know anything. I don’t want to cop out but how does a kid really learn truth until it has grown not only in stature but experience?
It is almost comical this thing called university! We have kids and teachers alike going through this academic process and becoming experts on theory when most have never had experience. We talk about killing and warfare like virgins talking about sex. There are so many things that are sent swirling through my head and heart that it is tempting to just give up. But even then these thoughts have consequences! To give up once allows you to embrace giving up a second, third, and fourth time. University is like a chess game in which we are stuck and still must move. It is your turn but you do not have vision for the consequences that are eminent.
Maybe we can gain wisdom through others experience. Maybe we can listen to our parents and teachers and still fight to be aware of our socialization. I believe that it is possible to gain wisdom by walking with wise people. The consequences of this are an ability to have a reference point in all the swirling. There is a foundation that has been laid by other lives that have gone after truth and passed down what they know. That foundation tells me to be faithful in the little things and to keep on going. That foundation tells me that there is knowing beyond empirical understanding. I echo Pascal in saying "The heart has its reasons which reason cannot know." It is in that realm where love, faith, and reason collide and I find a reference point. From there I believe I can push on into this thing called University and pursue truth even through the growing pains.

Tips for Devos

2010-04-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

First off Devos = Devotions

As I was reading this morning, with my wonderful room mate sleeping soundly in our bunk, I cracked open the blinds to spill light in on my journals. Almost simultaneous with the light spilling in the to do list of the day awoke in my mind. If you are anything like me it is often a challenge to keep your mind focussed on the Word, or any reading for that matter, when the days to-do's grab for your attention. Attention in its origin comes from the Latin base attentio(n-), or the verb attendere (attend). With this understanding of the word attention it follows that what you pay attention to you serve. So it is important to ask, "what owns your attention?" Most likely what owns your attention owns you!

I like to multi-task (I am actually writing this as my professor goes off on tangents) and the issue with a mind that is always doing ten things is that you often miss the wholeness that is sound in single focus. In fact to have more than one vision is a great breakdown to the word division or di-vision.

All of this to say! Write stuff down! When you are having trouble focussing in on the Word have a sticky note on which you can write down your thoughts and to-do's. Write it down and then shift back and let your mind be set on what God's word and all he has to say to you! The same practical trick goes with prayer, worship, and I may broaden it to life as a whole! It works wonders.

A second little breakthrough that I have had recently is to read the bible in large chunks. A reading plan is great and I recommend one as it helps you to get a diverse diet of the law, the prophets, gospels, epistles, and so forth...
but even as there is great value in meditating on short sections of scripture to mine out its treasures I have found that there is great value in reading large sections. My reason is, as any budding English major may have supposed, that as you read the bible (especially the Old Testament) you gain an understanding of the narrative, the big picture, the context of those short sections we love to meditate on.

In summery... sticky notes, perspective,

and I love you.

Abandon

2010-03-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

abandon |əˈbandən|
verb [ trans. ]
1 give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking) : he had clearly abandoned all pretense of trying to succeed. See note at relinquish .
• discontinue (a scheduled event) before completion : against the background of perceived threats, the tour was abandoned.
2 cease to support or look after (someone); desert : her natural mother had abandoned her at an early age.
• leave (a place, typically a building) empty or uninhabited, without intending to return : derelict houses were abandoned.
• leave (something, typically a vehicle or a vessel) decisively, esp. as an act of survival : he abandoned his vehicle and tried to flee on foot.
• ( abandon someone/something to) condemn someone or something to (a specified fate) by ceasing to take an interest in or look after them : it was an attempt to persuade businesses not to abandon the area to inner-city deprivation.
3 ( abandon oneself to) allow onself to indulge in (a desire or impulse) : abandoning herself to moony fantasies.
noun
complete lack of inhibition or restraint : she sings and sways with total abandon.

Abandon + me = a dream.

I dream that I could abandon my commitments
leave my fear on the side of the road
forget time.

Abandon desires, dreams, and delusions
wish I could loose myself from me.

There is a continuance of history
a cyclical wearing down
freedom!

To worship with abandon is beautiful
To give freely and full of Joy is gorgeous

To live in an abandonment of all calling
is coping
it is a copping...out

Abandon is both good, bad, and blah...

Abandon + me = a dream.

Mornings Light

2010-03-23T11:07:00.000-07:00

Remember when we were
way back then
we were
you and I
and we were stayin up to late

Remember how we were
talking loud
we were
under the stars
and we were sitting way to close

Remember how we were
goin back and forth
we were
arguing love and lust
and happiness `

We all want hands to hold
We all want arms to fold in around us
We never really listened to the warnings
C---Em---D
until mornings light comes pouring rudely in

I don't Remember who said
that history proves with the dead
to be always going
round and round again

but no matter how strong
what we are fed
it will never go to my head
that a
kiss is just a kiss

C---D---G---Em
I don't want to fall in love
I don't want to walk in blind
I don't have the time

Ambivalence

2010-03-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

Simultaneous conflicting feelings about someone or something.

Ambivalence = Me

10 Commandments of Relationships

2010-02-22T10:45:00.000-08:00

A little taste from college retreat. This is some solid teaching on a topic that many churches get weird about. It was a ton of fun!

1. Guys are the initiators and girls are the responders. Proverbs 18:22. Every lady known as an initiator of relationship in the bible was a whore.
2. Getting coffee does not equal marriage. Going on a date does not even mean you’re dating. Do not put your expectations on coffee.
3. Get a vision for the end before you begin. End meaning the start of your marriage, the alter… Get a vision for where you want to be financially, with your purity, how much baggage you want to bring into the relationship. Habakkuk 2:2, 1 Tim 5:8
4. When on a date guys should make it a goal to ask more questions than talk about themselves. James 1:14. Do not be dogmatic or opinionated, but rather open to new things.
5. Godly relationships stir you to pursue Jesus never to pull away. If a relationship begins to take you away from the church, your small group, and Godly accountability found in covenant friendship it is Godly.
6. Keep your relationship in the light. 1 John 1:7
7. Guys need to lead the relationship. Lines are to be drawn, not discovered. Guys need to draw those lines and yet not be driven by a spirit of legalism. We are grace people.
8. How far is to far is the wrong question. It should be more like how much can I please God in this relationship. If you can hold her hand without going to bed in your mind then hold her hand. For some you may just need to high five it up for a while. Others kissing is okay… not a set rule. Jack Hayford believes that open mouth kissing opens the door to sex because as soon as you open your mouth and insert your tongue it is a mental action tied symbolically to the insertion of … 1 Cor 7:1
9. Let the relationship happen naturally, do not force it. Say hello>get to know>be a bro>let it grow>give it a go>don’t be so slow.
10. Be confident and have a sense of humor.

January 11

2010-01-11T10:24:00.000-08:00

New year
New focus
New dreams
New resolution

New fear
New striving
New opportunity
To fly... to fall...

11 days in
11 days long
9 days strong
2 days wrong

Hangover from dreaming
Intoxicated tears
Wake up in sweat
work in sweat

Rain a beating
Sweat dripping
Tears bursting against my will
Tears refusing when willed.

A Skinned Knee

2009-12-04T08:51:00.000-08:00

Rain Rain go away
come again another day
I've cried and I've prayed
Father wont you come again

Rain Rain fallin from my face
fall again into your place
this seed falling from my eyes
it will fall and it will die

You've turned my morning into dancing
You've turned my sorrow into joy
You've started my heart again romancing
I've sown in tears now reaping songs of joy

Rain Rain you can come again
I never new that you're my friend
The pain and fear that held me tight
I release and give you back your fight

Where do I get my inspiration from?
How does the spirit teach this hardened heart to hear?
A skinned knee
Your rod and staff that comfort me
The release as your loving discipline helps me
Pry my fingers loose
again

You've turned my morning into dancing
You've turned my sorrow into joy
You've started my heart again romancing
I've sown in tears now reaping songs of joy

Rain Rain I don't mind
If you show your face tonight
Neither way will or shine
change Jeremiah 29

Embraces like Bullets

2009-11-29T15:32:00.000-08:00

A Friend from place speaks destination,
From city creates fantasy,
Their home, our dream.

Time and conversation
I have food you do not know about...
To do the work of my father.
Love revealed in her.

Dorm of acquaintances,
Barracks of brotherhood,
Home is family,
Friend in fantasy.

Dreams compel hearts and hands
To leave father and mother
Become one flesh

To make home anew
One step closer to heaven
Your kingdom come

Man, master, mission, mate
Genesis as thesis
Jesus the argument
Spirit like breath

GOD as GOD

Father make my destination you
The city on a hill
Not Portland, Nashville, or Paris
My dream, Love is you.

You and I and her
Freedom in labor
Mission minded dreamer
Adrenaline in embraces like bullets,

Grace tangible, the cross
My gun, my books, running shoes.
The resurrection life
Time and conversation

Love revealed in him
For her….my flesh.

All you need is Love… and a French press.

2009-11-29T15:12:00.000-08:00

I have become convinced through the many hours of study, thousands of push ups, and hundreds of songs this season has provided that there is are only a few things needed to be genuinely happy. Love… and a French press.

When I moved away from home 5 and a half months ago I started writing a list of things I am thankful for. As I wrote I realized more and more the value of a dollar and the irreplaceable currency of time. I began to grow in the revealed value of simplicity. I remember distinctly one specific chilly morning in my small cement room where I sat wrapped in shirt upon shirt upon sweatshirt with my French press brewing. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness! I was in new territory…

Back in Bend and only a month before, I had opened my first bank account and dumped all my pennies and dimes in. The day after I joined the ranks of those packin checks and debit cards I needed to make an initial payment for an internship with The City Church in the amount of 1075 dollars. The only money I had been successful in bringing in was from singing songs in a breezeway downtown. Our family has been fighting waves in a financial storm that seems to never end its climb to climax. My parents had been supportive but not gung ho about me moving up to Seattle early. The money was not there to send me but after praying for months about this summer the internship returned over and over again to my heart. I knew it was what God wanted me to do and continued to believe that he could provide. My first little white receipt reporting the sum in my account proclaimed that he did. I had 1086 dollars.

A few weeks later and only days before I was to leave, I had my graduation party and released my little CD needing to make 650 dollars to cover the second payment for the internship. After the songs were sung, food was eaten, and hugs were liberally distributed the party came to a close and I counted opened the gifts. Bill after bill came in and I counted, 100 to 200 to 300…. 656 dollars total! This confirmed it for my Mom and she proclaimed, “God provided and even gave you change for coffee!”

Side note: Listen to your moms! If they are anything like mine they are wise ladies!

Through this process of learning to trust God with finances not only for a family but also personally, I began to realize the importance of thanksgiving. Hence the thank you list! This new territory opened my eyes that morning to remember where God had brought me from and the value of my family. Now I sat where God had brought me and looked at my French press. Steam rose piercing the cold air in my little room with a robust fragrance!

I am not just a lover of coffee and its culture! It symbolizes for me the extravagance of God provision. Coffee is expensive and I cannot afford to do all my studying in the nooks and crannies of coffee shops but even now in my dorm here at SPU, I have my French press. I have the extravagant love of God and he has provided for the big things like school and the little things like coffee. It is a beautiful simplicity that has been revealed freshly in my life. My coffee may be black, I may be in need of a car and a job, but God knows my needs and he provides more than enough! I can trust him with my heart. Big and small issues have become my vehicle for growth. I find that often I could believe for the big stuff like provision to intern but then when I need a power strip I figure I need to find the finances in my own efforts. It got to the point that I needed a spatula and a power strip and prayed. Like ten minutes out of prayer I walked to the trash room and found a spatula, power strip, and a sweat shirt I forgot to ask for. :)

We have no need to worry friends! We have a good dad who is not affected by any economic downturns. He is not even fazed by our lack of faith. He teaches us lovingly and patiently. How beautiful is the simplicity of the Gospel! All we need is Love…. and to respond with a life laced with thankfulness.

Poetry, Prose, and a Prince in Process

2009-10-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes you have to feel the fear and do it anyways."

I feel the fear of team mates more prepared,
drive to win
terror to fail.
My pride, my pride!

I have heard and now believe, "perfect love casts out all fear." I am a fish once large in my bowl now tossed into the sea. What adventure! What unknown! The decision to feed my heart from fear or excitement is in a waltz with the fickle verdict between pride and humility.

Freshmen once again. My choice meets me face to face, moment by moment, day by day.

Will it be Daniel today? The Angelic voice picks him off his face to say.. "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard..."

Is my silence heard? That which is done in secret? Or shall I market my skill? Tell the world what I have done in my little bowl?

Listen here! I was once a big fish!

Times, grades,
height, and weight,
I will sing you my songs!
It is a clean slate.

Terrified by innocence
years since Mind raped Dream.
Forceful terror
exclusive motive.

My Virgil asked me if it was for grade...
or fear...
or for love that I study...
My Dream answers LOVE!
Resume says under its breath... Grades!
And still, Truth makes known to my heart the resonating answer,
it is fear.

I awoke from a dream and knew it was time to run again. After a year off of track and the decision not to run XC this fall at SPU, it was a dream redeemed. To add to the dreams recovered from my passionate youth I have also seen special operations resurrected. The success of these pursuits is tied to the grace of God that allows me to "humble my heart to understand."

The opponent that has proved itself most formidable is that of pride. I find my self set in a new city, a new church, a new school.... no longer in the town of 80 thousand. I had 18 years of tears planted, relationships watered, and respect earned in Bend, Oregon. Now in Seattle, about 3 million strong, with my leadership now caught by the pack.

In the past I have tried to distinguish myself in running with a guitar, in music with a mile time. I don't know if you can sympathize, but that is the truth of my pride. Now that I am in a place where my running is mediocre and I am chasing the team rather than being chased... I have the opportunity to grow. The limiting factor is no longer time, but pride. I find myself afraid to be behind... afraid to feel the pain of the climb. If I could lay down my fear of failure, this pride, I will have growth.

Once again comes the question of motive... why run? For Love? For Grade? For Fear? I believe I can defeat fear as I assault my pride with every race towards Love. In that pursuit I cannot lose for Love is my goal but also my teammate, my coach, and brilliant redeemer.

The character of an endurance person is what I am after. He who endures to the end...

The discipline of embracing restraints to bring freedom is my radical revelation, and my conclusion is that these growing pains are worth the growth. Conscience to creativity! Zeal married to knowledge, and Love that has lost its blindfold!

I have so much I would love to share but my eyes burn with tiredness. The prospect of my Thanksgiving coming to a close causes me to remember the dead lines that rudely continue their request of my time. I love you all and pray that you all seize your opportunities for growth.

Grace and peace!

Earshot Jazz Festival

2009-10-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

There are times when I am convinced that jazz in the only methodical madness that can effectively outdo my own mind, will, and emotions. This last Tuesday night was one of those times and I was once again overtaken by the power of good live jazz. I received an unexpected invitation to Earshot Jazz Festival and accepted not knowing Earshot is praised as “one of the best Jazz festivals in America” (Seattle Times). After spending 3 and a half hours attempting to count the complexity of rhythms and being consistently surprised by the beauty of melody lines laced with in, I would whole heartedly agree with the praise.
Not only was the music superb it had a tasteful accompaniment with the atmosphere of the club itself. In my limited experience with jazz clubs it has been rare to find a classy joint without overwhelming smoke and the strong aroma of wine. This was good clean, classy, fun, without compromising the character of the atmosphere. And I must say the fun was aided by the musical and intellectual competency of the young lady I went with. Jazz, Atmosphere, and good conversation...
It was swingin!

Friend, Fantasy, and Allegiance

2009-10-23T21:51:00.000-07:00

With a to-do list the size of Texas and my heart constantly desiring to love anything shinny I find myself a wee bit busy. It is a new busy for me but I still do not have free time enough to do the kind of blogging I have dreamed of. This new busy I would like to describe to you in the first of what I am hoping will be a three part series describing the newness of life. Part 1. Friend, 2. Fantasy, and 3. Allegiance which will be my focus tonight.
When I wake up at 4:30 am after a night of trying to hide away from the traditions of a scandalous floor I wake to the darkness. This darkness I have known before and I have charged into it morning run after morning run as I strained towards my dreams in high school cross country. This darkness and I have become the sort of friends where silence has become the best solace.
When I need to vent my frustrations I beat the air and the pavement, I throw my heart out to the Wind and I bring my body to an endorphin stimulated attention.
In this attention whether prayer be my vehicle, the power of the darkness my cloak, or the breaking of silence my release I come into fellowship with revelation. You know that place, that state of being where human understanding is at its hight yet still you are left with desire? That place I find regularly in philosophy, theology, art, and all the things I love but at that moment of weakness comes revelation.
My revelations have been sometimes to complicated to tell and sometimes to simple in their beauty that I must share them in person or keep them locked in the intimacy of memory and prayerful meditation.
One I will be free to divulge is that of a revelation of my allegiance specifically in the growth and process that Air Fore ROTC has instigated. Our first flight letter was sent out on the second week of SPU classes and I climbed through the thickets of antonyms I found the order to learn the Airman's Creed. I opened the attachment to read...
I am an American Airman
I am a warrior
I have answered my nations call

I am an American Airman
My mission is to fly, fight, and win
I am faithful to a proud heritage
to a tradition of honor
and a legacy of valor

I am an American Airman
Guardian of freedom and justice
my nations sword and shield
its sentry and avenger
I defend my country with my life

I am an American Airman
Wingman, Leader, Warrior.
I will never leave an Airman behind
I will never falter

and I will not fail.

This is a declaration that I found myself immediately judging. Thinking, "I am not a warrior. Would I give my life for this country? A nation? What is this legacy? I worked on memorization but my intellect fought my heart into a disposition that was less than amiable. I found myself in a tension caught between the dreams of my youth and the visions set before me and those laid behind. My struggle was not birthed by the Creed alone but was rather more grounded in years of questioning the military with the new testament.
These struggles came to yet another point where I needed Revelation to send aid badly. And aid came in the form of my uniform, a benefit concert, and a counseling appointment.
I received a text asking if I was available to play a benefit concert this last friday and in summery I was able to make it. Not only was I able to make it but instead of just playing drums for the main band I played my own music for an hour during the silent auction. This allowed for me to be able to grab time with the director of Stop Child Trafficking Now. He is a pastor of warriors and has been involved with special operations militarily and inside of criminal justice with the demand side of trafficking. He was able to draw out a specific passage in the gospels which describes a centurion who comes to Jesus and asks him to heal his servant. In the Jordish paraphrase Jesus offers to go with him and he says he is not worthy but knows because he is under authority that Jesus has authority to command healing and see it done. Jesus goes on to praise his faith as the greatest in all of Israel.
From this one account he fed me some thoughts. First, Jesus never condemned a soldier for his job or told him to change his profession. In fact in this instance he is praised for his faith and understanding of authority. My teacher then began to point out the obvious that the old testament was not meant to be apart from the new, nor do they contradict. Also that God told warriors like David and Saul to kill whole people groups even though the fifth commandment says we are not to murder. "There is a difference between kill and murder" he elaborated. "God does not contradict himself."
This was Revelation that confirmed what I felt God speaking to me but could not surrender to which is further solidified for me through my uniform.
I wore my uniform it for the first inspection of the year and was again given the instructions to know the Airman's Creed well. This time I spoke it out into my empty room as I prepared the night before. The louder and more sure I became with the words the more my heart was able to grab hold. My heart and spirit finally collided into alignment with my mind when inspection came and Detachment 910 yelled in unison our Creed. It became mine just as the uniform aided the revelation of my commitment. I stood at attention eyes just above the horizon proclaiming I am an American Airman, I am a warrior! It was not brian wash or fear that instigated Revelation but the realization of begin a part of a cause much greater than I, a proud heritage.
I was no longer in conflict in my mind and my heart was at peace even while begin inspected! I wish I could be dancing excitedly in front of you to add emphasis to my fresh joy. This joy was sealed in me during a counseling appointment with my teacher and captain who are one and the same. Capt. Morgan told me about the lounge of the special forces units she has worked with. She said the lounge was lined with books,their was often chess going on, and it was surprisingly calm. She told me that they are not looking for crazy people but normal people disciplined in doing crazy things.
That Revelation brought my heart to life and my childhood dreams claim to a hold in my practical pursuits once more!
Oh the adventure I have been lead to! I my pledge allegiance to God and he guides my steps some times in spite of my plans.
Signing out! Dream well and God bless you!

In need of Vaseline

2009-09-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

So my friends I decided to write a little training blog because I am terrible at keeping a log and I can both update you on my life and record at least some basics of what my training has been. Generation Interns ended about two and a half weeks ago and I moved yet again into the wonderful Russell household in the little country city of Monroe. As I drove the 40 minutes or so it took to get out there from Issaquah I decided I really want be a to runner again. The issue I had with running is that my whole has been a very inconsistent schedule packed with multiple moves, trips, camps, and late nights. (that were mostly out of my control due to the financial necessity of car pooling.) I had been running at best 20 miles a week and hitting the gym on average about three times a week when I was at the church dorms and had the Y accessible. I had been eating anything that was free so my nutrition was basically lots of barbeque that I tried to adapt into a salad by stealing all the condiments and throwing them around. All of this is the rough frame for my frustration the inconsistency I was hoping to kill while in Monroe.
The morning after I moved in I went for about 6 miles, it felt good to be out but slow. The next day I did three on the treadmill one of which was a five minute mile and then hammered some weights. The next week the Russell family went to the beach and I was house sitting so my plan was to rest, eat better, fast coffee, and get back into running shape. Then I got sick and was forced to sleep more and train less than I had wanted but I continued to run light miles non the less. After a week of sickness and sleep the Russells came home and I tried once again to regain a somewhat normal sleep and eating schedule.
On the Sunday of the 30th my room mate from the Plateau dorms told me that his buddy was putting on a 50k race and gave me the info. A couple days later after getting back into my normalish-mildly-crazy-running-self I posted a Facebook status asking if anyone would be willing to pitch in and help me run a race. Within about 20 minutes I had the race, new shoes, and some fuel paid for. I also sent an email to the race director asking for any sort of a scholarship and he knocked off five bucks. After that I immediately threw on the short shorts strapped on my shoes and did an hour and twenty minute run before I had to take off for worship practice. It hurt so good! For the first time since my last high school cross country race I felt adrenaline pulsing through my veins as my legs struck the pavement with new purpose and my mind ran wild pondering the pain and possibility of what this race in 20 days could hold. For those of you who are not runners and do not understand the joy released in the pain of endurance I encourage you to move beyond your mind and try it sometime. For those of you that are runners and are thinking me crazy for running a 32 mile race with only a month of solid training I would say move beyond your head sometime too and don't get caught by what is the supposed right way to things. Running is science but it is also madness and you need both to maintain the wonderful adventure of it!
The next day I sent my registration in, bought some electrolyte mixes, slim right drinks, and some disposable razors. Within about four days I had my legs freshly shaved, my spandex dug out of the back of my truck, and almost 50 miles fresh on my legs. The adventure begins!
So how do you train with under three weeks till a 50k, I don't really know... But I know the coarse has 6000 feet of elevation gain and 7000 feet of decent strung out over three major peaks so I decided I should do some hills. Now usually hills are a part of base training but remember I did not have time for that so I would have to depend on the weights I had lifted and a couple of quality hilly runs. It worked out wonderfully that two days before I knew I was going to race I did a workout I call the 800 of death on SPU's track. The 800 of death is basically 400 meters of lunges and then 4x100 meter build ups sandwiched in between a mile warm up and a mile cool down plus a few recovery laps here and there. I did this workout after meeting for prayer with two awesome guys Josh, and Stephen and I wanted to push myself and help them push themselves. Little did I know I was not in the fitness I was used to when I would do the 800 of death. It felt great while doing it but what was awesome is that we had an all church get together the next day and non of us could hardly move. We walked around laughing at each other because of or funny looking limp. That workout was fallowed by a rest day then I tried to run three recovery miles that felt as though I was running on two stick legs. The next day was when I was crazy excited and hammered out an hour twenty all jacked up with my head in the clouds. since then I have alternated usually a five to eight miler with a ten to fifteen miler. Two days ago I got the the ghetto Monroe middle school track and had my host bro Andrew time me as I did a little over a five mile tempo. I consistently ran under seven minute pace until my stomach decided to launch a revolt reminding me I still need to do better on my nutrition. I got onto runners world and used the pace calculator to figure out what it would take to finish in under 4 hours with the result being a 7:30 pace. Yesterday I plugged away at another hilly long run of about 12 miles with 4 hill repeats at mile 5. I managed close to goal pace but felt my legs lagging from the tempo the day before and the soreness of legs surprised by lots of miles thrown at them over a short period of time.
At the moment I am spending my day at my home away from home (Starbucks) and writing, resting, and reading away from the house for a bit.
Oh and the reason for the title.. ask a runner who has ever run long miles. Love you guys!

Question for the Ladies?

2009-08-25T01:40:00.000-07:00

I have been falling asleep at random times lately due to severe exhaustion from a crazy summer and a bitter fight between me and a cold. Today as the cold was beating me down I decided to retaliate with lots of OJ and a nap. After the nap I was supposed to get up and go to Cadre (small group for all you non-seattlites) but I did what I have been doing more and more in these days of late and rolled back over to sleep some more. So I slept off and on from three to ten pm, missed Cadre, and missed dinner. Though I do have great drive and hunger for relationship with fellow men of God and super smash bros I am pretty sure that my stomach was the only driver that was able to move me from my bed today. At ten o clock the master driver of my stomach led me into the kitchen where I found unguarded left overs on the stove. As reached out to take of them my housemate whose name I still do not know came around the corner scaring me half to death with a kind suggestion that I should help myself to the spaghetti he had prepared.
All of that was to say I am up still now at 1:33 in the morning I cannot sleep, I am fighting a cold, away from home, living in a house with a kind man whose name I do not know, and I am thinking. My thought and question go as follows...
I brushed my teeth again around midnight due to finding some mint hot cocoa mix. The hot cocoa compelled me to get a blanket and the blanket instigated the thought that I should go on a trek to the lake across the street. As the water was being warmed I decided that I would probably get tired by the time I got over to the lake and it would be a pain coming back so I found a compromise with the back porch and a comfy little chair under a beautiful star lit sky. As I sat I began to think about the teeth I just brushed and how they reflect my character... strange I know. After I thought of the teeth I needed something to write with because I already had to many thoughts going through my head I need to sort them a little bit. So then I grabbed my mac as the tool of choice and have planted myself back on the porch. Out of the many thoughts I contemplated sharing with you I fought with three main ideas. First the analogy of my teeth and character which I decided was to personal. Second, I thought about writing a list of things I do not like about myself because I am in that sort of mood, decided that is not a very hot blog topic. So my third and my final decision is a Question for the Ladies.
My question stems from the thought string that I was flowing in earlier which some may describe as self hatred but I would rather deem as the inspiration for escape, adventure, and pursuit of improvement. I am completely and theologically convinced that the only real improvement that lasts and allows the settling of a person is found in the person of Jesus and his grace. The thoughts that cause me to write out a list of things I hate about myself also inspires me to dream. This may confuse some but when reality of who you are is something you hate, you must find some hope of escape in some other source. Jesus would be the lasting and real hope for change, redemption, and holiness but I tend to lean more towards goals, dreams, and drive. This drive leads me to the end of myself (law) and makes me want more... adventure, life, relationship,jumping trains. How about you? I need to sleep, this will be continued in the morning.

Jig-Saw

2009-08-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

Moved out from the dorms in the Cascade wing and am now sharing a small apartment with 3 guys. Like a jig saw puzzle we are slowly piecing our belongings into place. food, instruments, a bunk bed, a full size, small desk, suit cases of clothes, shoes, and everything else. Ernest (my trusty red truck) has been a servant worthy of mentioning due to his incredible size and hence ability to store the excess. Though Ernest is nearly impossible to park in busy Seattle he has non the less been an awesome blessing.
I just returned from a trip to Christian Renewal Center in Silver Falls Oregon and on the way back up drove in tandem with my wonderful friend Emilie, my accomplice in crime Elisha , and my beautiful sister Jessica. These three have helped me move in and are now accompanying me in my explorative adventures of Seattle area.
I am having a blast and continuing to learn and grow a ton. Still struggling with my self and battling with many ideas, possibilities, and opportunities. Experiencing freedom in a new degree and learning the responsibilities of that freedom. I have begun to realize more and more in being away from home that my real home is the presence of God. I am learning to be vulnerable which is a massive challenge for me, learning to be confident with pride or false humility, I am learning that self discipline cannot be the main vehicle for change but rather the presence of God and vulnerability inside of covenant relationship with him and people. It has been a very good, very exciting, and subtly hard adventure but I cannot wait to see what is coming.
Don't relent! I love you all...

Sleepless in Seattle

2009-07-31T07:35:00.000-07:00

So they say it rains in Seattle but every time I have visited and for the entirety of the time I have been here it has rained a maximum of four or five times. In fact I would absolutely love to have some rain, cloud cover, just a little something to break the heat. It been such a challenge to sleep in the heat I have almost mastered an art of opening and closing doors windows and positioning fans. (and lake jumps throughout the night) We set an all time record in the heat yesterday and I chose to go on a little run/exploration of some trails which gave me a fresh realization of the power of heat to drain the body. At the moment I am chillin in my dorm room which praise the Lord is on the ground level and taking the lunch break to hide from the heat. Today we studied Melchizedek and the continuance of the Abrahamic covenant which rocked my world and after lunch we are headed to do ministry track at a city ministry call Jubilee Reach. Gonna be fresh! Hot and fresh! Tonight we have to move our stuff across campus to some apartments where I will be sharing a room with I believe four or five other guys while remodels and maintenance are being done on our dorms. So at the same time as I pack my room I will be packing for a trip to Oregon for family camp in Silver Falls. Praise the Lord that Central District service was cancelled due to the heat or rather lack of air conditioning, otherwise I would be rockin out on the drums being cooked by the sky light that shines solely on the drums. Anywho, I am way excited for this weekend and the summer has been incredible. The freedom is awesome but also comes with a new degree of responsibility and so I would say to all my high school friends do not rush. Be excited and pray and plan but live well where you are right now. What you do now is what builds the platform for your life and ministry in the future. And before I say goodbye I want to dispense the lie that says when you leave home you will be able to change a lot easier and run after God more passionately with less distractions. Totally untrue, it is the day to day pursuit of God that brings real and lasting change in life not solely a change in environment although physical positioning has benefits. I love you all and pray that you would know who you are, a kingdom of priests and kings!

A penny worth

2009-07-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

Focal Point Series, part 5 entitled Him We Preach by Judah Smith. June 21, 09
First Sunday at the Plateau Campus and exactly what I needed. This message was so on target with where my heart has been these last couple weeks it was as though almost every thought and prayer I have prayed Judah had studied out. The message was out of Colossians 1:21-2:3 and one new thing I learned in his introduction is that Colossians is referred to as the most Christ centered book in the bible because how many times it references Jesus and how it explains his relationship with the Father. In interior design a focal point needs to be decided off of which you then construct the flow, placement, and pattern in which everything else is placed. The focal point is Jesus, he is the corner stone, not a topic or discipline but the person of Jesus Christ. There must be a renewing of the mind that allows us to put Jesus as focal point and not Jesus + other things. The message was basically that maturity is to be basic, to be simple. The gospel is simple and we need to return to simplicity. It is all about Jesus, not Jesus and a degree, or Jesus and an internship or the right pastor or anything else. It is not about prayer from an anointed leader, not about the most recent book, not about 21 steps or a secret to life. Jesus is it and there must be a return to him. Be mature, be simple.

Devotions Monday June 22, 2009
1 Tim 4: This whole section has always been one of may favorites because of its never ceasing relevance to my life. I am young and I am an athlete so verse 8 which talks about physical fitness and verse 12 which talks about setting an example for believers in youth, speak to me clearly. I have been trying to study a little deeper when I read by using multiple translations. I find that with the diversity of word choice I can usually wrap my head around it a ton better. So today I have been in the ESV and The Message translations. One of the verses that stuck out to me was verse four and five which in the ESV say, "For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if accepted with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer." In The Message, "Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks. Nothing is to be sneered at and thrown out. God's word and our prayers make every item in creation holy." Stinkin awesome! This connects back to yesterdays notes when talking about the simplicity that truth is as opposed to the lies that would say salvation is found in not eating this or that and never getting married. Sorry, it is just Jesus. It is all about the pursuit of him and in that comes an incredible holiness, because as we run after God we are also fleeing from sin. Okay verse 8 in the ESV is a verse most of us know well, "for while bodily training is of some value, Godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise fro the present life and the one to come." I love the Message on this one, "Exorcise daily in God- no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever." It is all about the daily pursuit of God. Training for godliness. Finally lets look at verses 15 and 16 in the message, " Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. the people will see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on your charactor and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it." Practical application: Keep at it.

Pursuit Beyond Program

2009-06-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

1 Timothy 1-2 Devotions: June 19 and 20

Chapter 1: 3-11 Was rich this morning! Specifically in its reference to the use of the law. The Law as verse nine says is for the lawbreakers and rebels, ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious. One of the most massive mistakes we make with the law is making it for the righteous. We try really hard to keep it, to run from the sin it reveals, and focus on the law as the vehicle or the standard of holiness. We need new some new perspective. 2 Timothy 2:22 Says, "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." This one of the things Paster Elijah was showing us yesterday, it first says "flee from youthful passions" Then secondly says, " pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace. So often we focus on fleeing, which is instigated by law, rather than the pursuit of God, which is inspired by grace. When caught up in the pursuit of God in faith and by grace it causes a dual effect on our lives. First, we are running after God then secondly, as a result, we are fleeing from sin and unholiness. The focus should not be on sin or upon fleeing but rather on the one who has saved us from sin the pursuit of him. The worship, the focus and effort should all be unto him to make him paramount on our lives. When this happens sin is not only left behind but it is not given the same focus we allow it when fleeing from it.
The commission we were given from Elijah who is the new youth pastor at GC was simple and powerful, make this summer a pursuit. A pursuit that goes beyond program, beyond requirements, and even beyond previous sin issues in our lives. 1 Tim 6:11 "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness."
So what are we pursuing? How do we do it? Practical application anyone? Well, I think one of the most powerful pieces God impressed upon my heart is that of pressing on. Phil 3:12-14 "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ has made me his own. Brothers I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I believe it is time to forget the past of the sin that used to master you and I. It is time to press on and make it mine! Practically that means it is time for me to place God as the only one in my scope. For the last four years it has been God and this, that, and the other. Not that God was not still center stage but in this summer he is the only one, the only thing. Memorization has become something high on my list of valuable disciplines.
Psalms 27:4 "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and inquire in his temple." One thing... Strange concept for me. The power in having vision that is singular i that of unity. Division=double vision. I have had up to 8 visions pulling on my heart and it caused such turmoil and ineffectiveness that I have become willing to lay down things that I love and surrender them to the vision of God for my life. He has proved a much better visionary than myself and he is faithful. When he says seek first the kingdom and all these things will be added to you, he means it! So it is a one thing summer, it is about pursuit and not about fleeing, it is about grace and not law.

Notes on Green Jesus

2009-06-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

Green Jesus
Ken Johnson
June 14, 2009

What is green? To prosper and foster life and the process of becoming more and more alive. What is good gives life. Bad=decrease in life. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I (Jesus) came that they may have life and have it abundantly. Inside of the environments we are exposed to some will allow you to blossom, others will keep you alive but not allow growth and others still will kill you. (Smog) Jesus left the environment of heaven which is total purity to come into our polluted home and allow an option of purity. So what do we mean by green Jesus? The definition of an environmentalist is simply one who is anti pollutant, pro purity, and believes philosophically that the environment effects us and should therefore be protected. Jesus is the most green thing that has ever happened to earth, inside of sin or impurity the wages are death. Inside of Jesus there is life, growth, renewal, and forgiveness. We are called to be green, to be keepers of the earth. Gen 2:15. What can we do to practically to be green?

How about bringing a reusable mug when getting coffee, or your own bag when shopping, or taking less trips by planning out your driving to reduce gas expenditures.... Be green. Foster life in the environment and in people.

As my very wise mom was saying this morning when talking about our lawn, "It just takes maintenance, the yard, the house, relationships... they all just need faithful ." Especially in my transition out of home I see the truth and value to being a faithful keeper. There is such value in a little extra effort to manage our stuff.

Come on church! Lets rise up... The concept of being green even in its over used and extravagantly praised position in our culture is only a counterfeit of a Godly principle.

Revision

2009-06-01T09:07:00.001-07:00

Unobtrusive

Understanding becomes
Needlessly complicated when
Obvious is
Besieged.
Truthfully the
Reduced,
Unexpected, and
Subliminal constructs
Instill confidence and inspire
Vivacious joy.
Evidence of the Unobtrusive

Undone. Revised

2009-06-01T09:06:00.001-07:00

Undone
Monday Tuesday WednesFriday
Sat and Sun I come undone

We go on breaks and stay up to late,
thrown into the motions, while emotions
find new fuel for there longing to be free.
two months two days, I gra du ate.
May 1, the fateful day we sign our lives away.
Or we continue to flounder in a free flow pattern.
Make some money, hunt for a honey
to mine out meaning from the menial.

Monday Tuesday wednesfriday
Blast! Here comes Thursday seeking revenge
despite our best efforts
yesterdays activities remain memories clouded by
day to day to day
One to two, three to four
please sir, can I have some more...
time.

Bailout, word of the year yet we get no attention
left treading water, left to wonder
when the political game reaches the practical
beyond distant fame, someone to blame.

Stuck in a lame video game
jumping through hoops, level to level,
in a world with no emotion.
I shot you for bonus points.
Stole your gun and your girl.
just to take what I could.
it's a fleeting romance
a futile adventure

Monday Tuesday Wednesfriday
Sat and Sun I come undone

Touchable Theology

2009-06-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

Touchable Theology
Upon the streets and in the fields, in the ghettos and in the hallways of Universities it is not hard to find those that love extravagantly, fight viciously, and do not settle for the love of “Christians” that has been tied down with the ropes of religious practice and mindless tradition. As you walk the streets of Seattle you will see the homeless and abandoned, you will see power in the buildings that pierce the sky. Down on the docks the cranes move endlessly the trade of an empire, the life flow of this massive city.
I traveled only hours away from my comfy home in the Bend and my eyes were opened, I was challenged. I looked into the faces of the poor and homeless and not only through Seattle’s display of her wide array of colors but also through a book, Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.
My accomplices in crime were my awesomely awkward, skyscrapishly tall, and always glee filled friends Kyle and Jesse. Kyle is like seven hundred feet tall, blond, a fellow senior, and man of prayer. The kind of guy who engulfs you in his long arms as he hugs you. Jesse is comparatively tall, Dutch, and hilarious! These two along with my wonderful dad were the team, our mission: To explore and experience Seattle and the little university of Seattle Pacific.
As we drove we rocked out to music as long as my dad could handle, then read out loud the thoughts we deemed worthy from our various books. While we journeyed, read, and rocked, we also dreamt and prayed about the next four years of life. In the thoughts we read I began to get uncomfortable, being challenged by the thoughts from this Shane Calyborn guy who lives out what the bible says like he really believes it. He challenges people to give away there things and follow Jesus. To love like Jesus did laying down his own life to love those that to society were untouchable. To Live to serve, give, and feed the hungry giving names to the faces of the homeless and hurting.
These concepts are all based on the bible that I read each morning, concepts that I know well and even preach, so why only now does this revelation come? I am now uncomfortable with my life and its bubble. I seemed to be gliding a little to the ground that it began chipping away my insulated shell of theology.
After hours of being trapped in the car with my thoughts and all their turmoil we finally reached our first stop in Portland where we were to have dinner with some wonderful friends of mine. After we had begun discussing the possibilities it came up that Mackenzie (one of my wonderful friends) loves to make lunches and feed the poor. In fact it was Her favorite activity when friends come over. Everywhere I looked I could not escape! It was like the prodding of the Holy Spirit saying, “Hello? Do you get it yet?”
As we sat down for our wonderful meal we discussed the homeless, the 36 thousand a year it takes to go to college, socialism, funding, compassion. We argued and laughed and then I stopped painfully realizing the real content of our conversation. We sat at an expensive meal talking, arguing, and debating about how we should love those who don’t have anything while living out a much different conversation of a bubbled up and insulated theology. Where is the contact point?

Sagacity

2009-05-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

Jordan Wolfe
5/29/09 Religions

Sagacity

This was an assignment in Religions of the World to create or own religion.

Origin: Sagacity grew from Adam and Eve within the Garden of Eden. As the story of Genesis goes the devil embodied in a snake tempted Eve saying, “You shall not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it (the forbidden fruit) your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Knowledge of what is good and evil entered the world in the fall.

Sacred Writings: The Bible. Great value is also placed on historical accounts, biographies, and academic texts from which you can glean knowledge. Every text or instrument of learning when sifted through with discernment which comes based off of the Bible can be found to have some worth.

Figure Head. Jesus, the prophets, and the characters of the bible.

Creed: Love God, Love people, and serve others.

Heaven and hell are the end point of the journey of life. The focus is not on Heaven and Hell it is on the journey and what is learned in the journey. The goal is to embrace the process and in it find wisdom. If you find wisdom you will live a life established in Love, Faith, and intern enter into eternal life in heaven.

The higher power is God, the I am, he is love and in him is the fullness of wisdom.

Miracles are a by product of being connected with God who is supernatural. The focus is not on miracles. We do not chase miracles as thrill seekers but as we chase God and miracles follow.

A fundamental Sagacist is one who pursues wisdom. Wisdom is not limited to the storing up of knowledge but rather wisdom comes through the application of that knowledge. Therefore a true Sagacist is one who applies knowledge upon application increases in wisdom.

The prayer of a Sagacist is one from the heart. It is a prayer both of asking questions, listening, and meditating. Then as you follow the leading of God your life becomes the prayer and you draw closer and closer to the Source.

The torah along with the near entirety of the Old Testament spells out the law. The law is wisdom but it is an unattainable righteousness as we are fallible beings. The fulfillment of the law is a more perfect order, that of Grace which fulfills the law. Grace is a free gift from God and the rule over those whether followers or not. Grace extends to all.

A life full of Joy is always a celebration. We celebrate each other, we celebrate wisdom, and we celebrate even the trials of life because out of there pressure character and fresh depth is produced.

To use an icon as representation for Sagacity would be to throw limits on wisdom by narrowing it to an image.

Kilts, Togas, and Drum Lines

2009-05-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

24 days till the move date. Headed to Seattle, leaving what has been for 18 years, Bend and family, familiar and what has become so known that I have almost become that which I know.
Senior meeting today to receive cap and gown. Campaign day today and speeches tomorrow.
today we campaigned with drum lines, togas, and many slices of gum with candidates names tagged to the back. It was wonderful. As we drummed and yelled our support for the candidates we support hundreds of kids watched, clapped, danced, and lunged for our sweet little enticements.
23 days till move date. Speeches today and wearing Kilts rather then togas. The music got botched for our Scottish jig along with a lot of warfare spiritually. I was tortured in a skit, played organ, shot the British. It was a pretty epic day. After school I will be picking up my little sister from the middle school and singing a duet with her. I speak for the first time tonight at the church I have been involved in my whole life. Senior speak out it is called. Tomorrow I take off for the Christian Renewal Center and get to lead the high school section of the camp from Friday until Monday. Tuesday is seniors last day of school. Tuesday, through Friday morning I will try to track 5 songs for a demo CD. Thursday is Graduation, Friday is grad party and benefit concert. Saturday and Sunday I was invited to be the service host for Westside Church.
It is a full and exciting, mildly stressful and joy filled season. Lord help me focus!

Brief Thoughts on the Communist Manifesto

2009-05-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

Analysis of the Communist Manifesto
I strongly agree that the classes, which are set up in society, that separate and place at odds different people groups in society need to be simplified. Just as strongly as I agree I also disagree with the philosophy and the vehicle of communism as a governmental order.
I agree that the exploitation of the working class is a valid crime and needs regulation, I agree that we should take care of the basic needs of our neighbors, I believe that if the sinful nature of man was taken away from him we could just about do away with governmental systems. The issue I find is that of stealing the incentive to work hard by only allowing what is considered necessity.
Limiting the identity, passion, and the desire of an individual by harnessing him to pull the load for those that cannot pull their weight for the same reward as those he is pulling is oppressive. Now if the situation is truly inspired out of a desire for unity out of a heart changed from the inside I am all for it! Then it freedom rather than oppression, then it is true selflessness not requirement.
In a society without the internal change of heart that I have only seen in a lasting way by revelation of Jesus Christ there would be great disorder, exploitation, and crime. That is without governmental hierarchies of control. Each law that has been established or at least the majority of laws are proofs of society having broken restraint and needing governance to prevent harm and maintain order.

The Abraham of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity

2009-05-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

Who Is Abraham?
By Jordan Wolfe

Who is Abraham? Was he a prophet, a teacher. the father of many nations, or the father of a belief system? Depending on how we classify Abraham we could find ourselves fighting with Islam and camping with Jews, or making faith claims with Christians. To Islam Abraham is father of Arabs, to Judaism he is the father of the Jews, to Christianity the father of faith.
In The book of Genesis the story of Abraham begins for both Judaism and Christianity. G-d calls out to Abraham and says, “Go forth from your native land, and from your fathers house and I will make you a great nation.” Abraham follows the leading of G-d and even though he does not have an heir, he is old and his wife is past the age of child bearing Abraham and his family set out for a land they did not know. The split between Islam and Judaism comes inside the argument of lineage. G-d fulfills his promise to Abraham for a son through Sarah but not until after Sarah first loses hope and gives his husband her maidservant by which he produced another heir. Ishmael is the son of the maidservant Hagar and Isaac is the one born of Sarah. Isaac is said to be the covenant blood line by the Jews.
The Muslim Arabs and even those Arabs who have not submitted to God argue that the son Ishmael which God also promised a lineage of twelve tribes is the chosen blood line not Isaac. The larger difference here though is found in that difference of belief and submission. Although bloodlines are important because of Gods covenant with Abraham the Muslims believe that commitment is more important than lineage. If you believe and submit to God then you follow Abrahams example of a surrendered life and therefore are under the covering of Allah. There are many differences aside from simply the bloodline but the basic dividing factor is that of lineage of this case because if what the Jews claim is true then the Arabs are not Gods chosen people and therefore will not have his blessing or reward.
Christianity is similar to Muslim belief in that it agrees that lineage is not the end all but rather belief. Christianity is although more so in agreement with Judaism in the account of Genesis. The Jews and Christians share the same old testament and belief in the blood line but as the apostle Paul says in his letters to the early church it is by faith that we are grafted onto the chosen people (Jews) first to the Jew and then to the Gentile. The split is there in the beliefs of Judaism and Christianity because Jews believe it is the law not grace that is the sacrifice for forgiveness of sin.
Politically each of these claims has caused great havoc throughout history and even in present day the war still rages over who is credible in their claims to this Father Abraham. There is war over land, war over practice, war over war, and war for the sake of allegiance to one party or the other. The Jews and Arabs in the middle east are ever in conflict over who really has original and justifiable claim to the land and to sacred places of worship. Some would say that there is no proof if this man even existed but millions have died over which of his sons is the rightful heir to the promise of God and now this Father of many beliefs and bloodlines is written into our history books with the stain of blood.

Pre-Life Crisis

2009-04-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

Pre-Life Crisis

Welcome class, please sit, get a pencil and fresh sheet of paper and plan out your life.
To succeed you need to find out how to sit into the boxes we have constructed.

Teacher, what is the purpose to life if just for me? If just for the boxes?

Good question, good thinking but don't try to merge philosophy with life
To succeed you need to find tolerance, be passionate, but be yet passive.

Teacher, why do we do so much until we die? Is it for memory only?

Good question, and good thinking but please don't buck the system
To succeed you need to do more and more, get credit, certificate, accomplishments.

Teacher, I don't understand why it is those who give away their lives in service that seem so happy, seem to have purpose.

It is not a question of purpose or destany, it is more a question of what you believe. Purpose comes from in yourself, you create your destinany.

What about the bible?

It is a good book of concepts but no more... It has lost most of its meaning in the translation.

Teacher I see no controdiction in it, it lines up with history, it is the only philosophy that lasts outside of meaningless, anthropology points us towards its truth.

They are only good concepts! Be a good student and respect what I say! That is what the bible says, "respect your elders."

Teacher, Jesus served God rather than man. Peter and Paul both both asked the elders the question of whether it is right to serve man over God? What do you say.

I am to I Am

2009-04-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

I am to I Am

I am a son
loved by mother
loved by father

I am a brother
loved by sister
loved by brother

I have been a singer
singing songs from nursery rhymes
to songs of the times
played on heart strings pulled taut.

I have been a student
mentored, discipled, disciplined
learning the faith, logic, tact

I am leaving
loved by father
loved by mother

I am making it my own
and giving it away
taking singer and student
growing into I Was
because of I Am

I am a son

Ode to Life

2009-04-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

Ode to Life
Monday Tuesday WednesFriday
Sat and Sun I come undone

We go on breaks and stay up way to late,
then thrown back into the motions, while my emotions
find new fuel for there longing to be free from this pattern.
two months two days, I gra du ate.
May 1, the fateful day we sign our lives away.
Or we may continue to flounder in some free flow pattern.
Make some money, hunt for a honey
O the terrible rhythm and rhyme
can our lives mine out meaning
in the midst of this menial.

Monday Tuesday wednesfriday
O blast! Here comes Thursday seekin revenge
despite our best efforts
yesterdays activities remain distant memories crowded out by
day to day to day to day.
One to two to the three to four
please sir, can I have some more?
More what?
Life! If I might have morsel to keep for the rainy day.

Bailout, word of the year but we get no attention
Could you spare 2.4 million for a small intervention?
When does the political game reach this practical
beyond just some distant fame or just someone to blame.

Do you ever feel stuck like in some lame video game
jumping through hoops, level to level,
livin in a world of no emotion.
I shot you for bonus points.
Stole your gun and your girl.
just to feel good. It doesn't last
but at least I have some fleeting romance of adventure.

I walk through the hall ways and it seems that we have so wrapped ourselves in this false reality of worth and a warped sense of purpose that we live from bell to bell, check box to check box. The only excitement is when he broke up with her and she hung out with him and so and so said her brothers- friends-grandmas-dog died so I am depressed. Have some sympathy

Stop, drop, think, search and you will find there is more than
Monday, Tuesday, WednesFriday.

Father What Now?

2009-04-02T08:28:00.001-07:00

The road is gone now
Direction is blurred
We pray we cry out

Father what now?

These songs I sing seem
Just to add to the noise
Adding one more to this pile of questions
My reflection of the holy one grows so dime

Father what now?

My family father mother sisters and brother
Under pressure from a car crash
And the shattered glass
Of broken life surrounds me

Father what now?

I spent the night in the ICU
Sister in the bed with a bashed in head
Tossing and turning
At least she’s still breathing

Father what now?

Your grace is enough for me
Your grace has to be enough
Your grace is enough for me
Your grace has to be enough

Ballad by J. Wolfe on 3/24/09
G D Em C through the verses
Em to C with build through last two stanzas

Freedom in half an hour

2009-04-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

Freedom Comes in Half an Hour

Learning
socialized funds
institutionalized
creativity, diluted
learning

Unobtrusive

2009-03-30T18:08:00.000-07:00

Understanding complexity of concepts is often
needlessly painful when we are afraid to play with the
obvious, afraid of humble beginnings, afraid of
being deemed as silly.
The truth be told if we examine little things and then
reconsider the larger picture, often our turmoil turns'
unexpected joy,
speedily causing hunger to learn and
instead of overwhelming ourselves we become
vivacious for what previously proved
eminent confusion.

Post Secondary Plan

2009-03-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

Post Secondary Plan... A little assignment for careers but I would like to share with all of you who want to know my heart for the next few years.
My post secondary journey will start next fall at Seattle Pacific University where I will study Urban and Global development with a minor in history. I plan to pursue Air Force ROTC as a method of provision for school and an outlet for physical competition, leadership, and international experience. In Seattle I will also be pursuing music, playing small shows in the coffee shops (as another form of resource), and serving at a local church working with the homeless population and mentoring young people.
After the four years of undergraduate school with all the extracurriculars that go with it I will present a request to the Air Force to postpone the required service in it and both allow and provide for me to pursue law so that I could better serve the Air Force. I believe that request will be granted because during the interview process for ROTC the major that interviewed me encouraged me telling me that it would not be the first time the Air Force has paid for law school and even Harvard Law School.
These plans for education in undergraduate will lay the ground work for graduate school, graduate school will lay the foundation for a career of international law in the Air Force, and the Air Force provides for the education, allows for a job after school, and lays the foundation for my dreams for life and law as a tool for mission and provision for my future family.
After I retire with the Air Force I will have the benefits of a veteran, experience that will allow for a good private venue to practice law, and the financial freedom to travel, serve, and pour into the church and my family. I am hoping to be involved not only in private law in the U.S but also in probono around the world for the poor and orphaned, the farmers and the organizations that cannot afford a professional voice in the legal system.
As a final goal I hope to pursue judgeship and civil service in whatever area I am led. All of these plans, hopes, and dreams are in the sifter but I do believe that they will prove gold refined in the furnace that has been my life these four years of high school and will continue to be purified in the crucible that life will continue to provide.

The Contrast Painted

2009-03-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

Jordan Wolfe
03/09/2009
Philosophy

The Contrast Painted.
Plato vs. Aristotle
The teacher and the student, Plato and Aristotle both widely respected thinkers with radically different thoughts. Not everyone was satisfied with Plato's universal truth and higher reality that he found in the thought of a thing rather than its form. Aristotle was one of those that found himself not completely satisfied with the thoughts of his mentor. In his works he stands in almost complete contrast with the thoughts Plato laid out. This is Idealism vs Realism, Universal against individual, and form as opposed to the concept of that form.
Plato was an idealist that stressed the power of unchanging truths that he called universals. He painted his ideas in the allegory of the cave where he displays the power of shadows and of partial truth. His question was that if individuals are only exposed to the shadows projected on the wall then will they not consider those shadows to be reality? He argues that the world in which we live is only shadows and images of the real world. The more real world is one that is beyond what we can deductively or inductively understand with our senses and must be understood and applied through intellect and ideas.
Now we have Plato's student Aristotle who would say, “Wait just one stinkin moment! Lets use logic to study the things we see and then build off of them some more probable conclusions!” Aristotle was a realist and he teaches that reason is divine. He would say we should not go straight to the ideas that are untouchable but rather to what we know and then by understanding the shadows project probable conclusions. His political belief also stands in the face of Plato's ideals in that he believed the state to be the higher priority than the family. That individuals cannot be complete in who they are but rather are made whole by fulfilling they're part in society. He would say that slaves made by capture in war are totally okay because those that lose the war are inferior to the winners and will actually do better being ruled by their superiors.
Plato's political views are heavy in idealism which Aristotle criticized as being to far from this reality. Mr. P wanted a utopia and wrote about concepts of community even to the degree of communal ownership of wives. Aristotle although placing the state ahead of the family disagreed with abolishing he family because he said the state is made up of families. Communal ownership he argued would mean no private property and with out property the management of households and families is lost.
Each of these thinkers wanted to find universals but the arguments come when we put at odds their different vehicles for reaching them. Aristotle believes that through examination of particulars or what he called the “essence” of things we can reach the universals. Plato believed that universal existed outside of the particulars and extended further than Aristotle's natural philosophy. This is where the argument gets interesting in that you can begin looking into the concepts of love, hope, and faith. In plugging these concepts into their vehicles we see that it is at best it is hard to piece together particulars about them and at worst it is impossible. Love goes beyond the logic of Aristotle and though he dominated thinking for thousands of years on many topics I think I would have to give at least a piece of the battle on love as a victory to Plato.
Both of these incredible thinkers create a beautiful tension upon which we can stand and look into our lives, our society, and our world and question what is true and how the truth is applied. I believe that both of them would agree that fearless questioning and study of life, love, and all that goes with it is not only an honorable pursuit but a life giving one.

Jesus Christ! Ahhhh! For Philosophy

2009-02-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

To answer the question, “How do you know something is True?” we must first define what truth is. The question of, “what is truth?” has been asked for thousands of years and is central to philosophy. Because the question is so big and so controversial I have researched what has already been argued and will use an essay entitled Truth from the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy as a reference. I will also revisit what many of you have already said in our forum, each of you had some great thoughts, and finally, I will reference Websters Dictionary.

According to Webster truth is conformity with fact or reality: verity, a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle or the like: mathematical truths. According to the Neo- classical correspondence theory a belief is true if there exists an appropriate entity—a fact—to which it corresponds. If there is no such entity, the belief is false. If we were to ask a Pragmatist he may tell us, “Truth is the end of inquiry.” Or, “True beliefs are guaranteed not to conflict with subsequent experience.” You, (my peers) have said that truth is seeing, truth is individual, and truth you say, is when a belief is backed with evidence. There are so many thoughts here and I agree in part with all of them, with the exception of anything Bunker has to say.

Truth does not contradict, it can be verified, and there is no substantial proof to its contrary. A fingerprint can be matched to a suspect and used in a court of law when there are 10 points of correspondence with the reference print and no point that contradicts. When there is reference, evidence, and no proof to give substantive sway into disbelief then it is true.

Now the question of Universal Truth is where things get sticky, but I will say it straightforward, if there is no truth that is a common thread throughout the universe there would be no foundation off of which to build any sort of understanding or knowledge. I believe that there are individual beliefs and that there are individual convictions, but I do not believe that what is individual can in anyway unground Universal Truth.

With these definitions of truth I can place the Bible into a category of being true. It was written by 40 known authors over a period of 1400 to 1800 years and it has not one contradiction in it. It is backed up with reference points in history, archeology, fulfilled prophecy, experience, and thousands and thousands of eye witness accounts and documented experiences. So with the bible as a reference I will use John 14:6 to close and to open for discussion.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man come to the Father, but by me.”

Lullaby

2009-01-29T10:22:00.001-08:00

Lullaby
C#m B A2
Lullaby oh goodnight my friend
C#m B A2
Wont you stay here beside me now
C#m B A2
And I will sing you melodies that
C#m B A2
Have never been sung before

Lullaby oh goodnight my friend

Let me stay here beside you now

And I will sing in harmony with

The beatings of your heart

E B C#m A2
I will sing you a song tonight, tonight
E B C#m A2
I will sing it loud and strong tonight,

Or if you’d rather I will just

Lullaby oh goodnight my friend

I will sing you a song tonight

And I will pour out a whispered prayer

For you to hold me tight

Take me there to the place of reality in grace
Take me deeper pull me closer now (X2)

All I Want

2009-01-29T10:01:00.000-08:00

All I Want

Verse 1 G F#/G C
I cannot sleep tonight
G F#/G C
I don’t know why
G F#/G C
Its not that I’m thinking
G F#/G C Am
It’s more that I don’t know what to think anymore
Am
Anymore.

Verse 2 G F#/G C
Feeling poor and lonely
G F#/G C
There is a draught in my dreaming
G F#/g C
This heart is hard and hurting
G F#/G C
Would you please trade with me your magic seeds
Am G F#/G G
So I can climb, Into the sky

Chorus Am C G
All I want to do… is what your doing
Am C G
All I want to say… is what your saying
Am C G F#/G C
And All I want to be….yeah, is you have for me

Verse 3 G F#/G C
Castle in the clouds
G F#/g C
I will come to you there
G F#/G C
When I close my eyes

G F#/G C
And stow away upon the melodies you sing to me
Am
Sing to me in the night
Am
In the night

Verse 4 G F#/G C
Speak to me softly in the night
G F#/G C
I want to hear your voice in my ear (X2)

A New Week, A New Day, A New Moment.... A New Season.

2009-01-12T10:04:00.000-08:00

I love the morning so much it drives me to sleep at ridiculously early hours. I sacrifice movies, parties, and a bunch late night hang time to be able to beat the sun up. The bible says that there are new mercies every morning, and wise people have said, "Early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Those are not what have inspired me to rise early but because I do it just supports my strangeness. There is something about the sun breaking through the darkness, something about a fresh start that puts the yesterday underneath you. I know I rant about the morning and how it inspires me often but it is not only a new morning, it is a new week. Last week carried many worries, although like most worries most never came to fruition. There seemed an endless amount of things to do and time seemed to be endlessly fleeting. When a friend and I talked about the stress of school, the emotional trauma that occurred during the break, and the giant deadlines that threatened to change our future, we came up with this picture. It is like you are tied to a treadmill that is cranked up just over the thresh hold level, just to fast to maintain. I love thresh hold training and workouts where you push your body right up to that breaking point but in life, not so much. Yes the hard stuff develops endurance, strength, and power like nothing else can but when it happens in life you don't see an end of the work out. there is no stop watch to pace off of, no defined finish line, or summit to the hill. When there is no end to the speed you begin to fall apart mentally as you anticipate the wall. The wall as runners know is when lactic acid and other wastes are flooding into your legs faster than your body can filter it out and all f the sudden you crash. Your legs feel like led or like you are running underwater. If you really push it your body will go into temporary paralysis. Most of us cannot push that hard because mentally we freak ourselves out before our body reaches that point.
Last week was like running at just above thresh hold with no end in sight. My body was probably ok but my mind was tweekin. It is a new week! A fresh start and I have grown even from my experiences last week. I learned that when the eyes in your head cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel you are not allowed to freak out because we have faith. You turn to the eyes of your heart. One of the things that has been amazing me lately is the thought of Joy in Brokeness. Paul said, "Our heart break but we still have joy." It is all a perspective thing. Last week from my perspective I was going to crash and in turn I did. This week I have the same stressors but from a faith perspective all things will work together for the good of those who love him. (God) I read this morning I believe in Luke twelve some words that I need to remind myself of much more often. In summery: Do not worry about what you will eat or drink, God provides for the ravens and are you not worth much more than birds. Then do not worry about what you will wear, look at the flowers of the field and the grass, even Solomon in all his splendor could not compare. God open the eyes of my heart and let me see like that!
It is a new day, a new week, and a new season. Track training with the team starts today. I am inspired and ready to grow in my fitness and to lead my team! I know though that to lead even when you cannot see with the eyes in your head that the eyes of your heart need to be tuned in to what really matters.

New Years Resolution

2009-01-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

I resolve in this new year to live barbarically, to run the back roads, and walk the narrow road. I resolve to run at new intensities both physically and spiritually. I commit to set aside 2 hours a day to dig into the word, pray, and journal. To fast one day a week and whenever the spirit leads. To be faithful in the practical of my room, my house, my grades. I resolve to run at new intensities both physically and spiritually. Begin running marathons and setting up habits that I want to carry through college and into the rest of life. To spend the rest of the time I have in Bend praying for, serving, and loving well my family. I resolve this year to return to my first love, remember from where I have fallen, and do the works I did at first. Rev 2:4-5 Sing unashamed love songs, new songs, and unfinished-unpolished songs of worship. To go back to playing drums and rhythm. Return to the childlike faith and live out the passion that has been muffled and beaten down in the past three years. To love because I have been so wonderfully loved!

To the Pure...

2008-12-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

To the pure all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure;both their minds and their consciences are defiled. They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work. Titus 1:15-16

Key verse out of my reading this morning and I did not have time to journal, so there you have it. Last night I fell into ritual and once again I find my actions contradicting what I profess to believe!
If we are those that know God then how we live must be directly related and reflective of our knowing. I need to know more for often my actions do not reflect whom I say is my Lord. To be a Christian is to be a small Christ, a representative of heaven, being the hands and feet of Jesus to this world.

If your members are one in the same with Christ then why do we mix Christ's members with that of a prostitutes!

Lord we need to know you more, I ask for your grace and your purity from the blood of your son. Do not look upon my impurity! Cover it with the blood of Jesus. Touch me today, that all I do lines up with you, my Lord, my king, father, savior, lover and friend. I want to represent you well.

Kicking and Screaming!

2008-12-03T09:07:00.000-08:00

BEEP BEEP BEEP! SMACK! 6:00am

Ahhhhhhhh! gotta go, gotta go, gotta go go go! My mind screamed out this and that, tasks I need to attend to. Stress began to take over my mind, my heart started screaming in protest, and my body quietly put up its defense by refusing to wake. I am only three minutes into the day! Get dressed... run down the stairs... throw some breakfast together... start the coffee... turn on the Christmas tree lights and the fire... grab bible. journal. pen.... blanket. Ok! I am set, God thank you for a new day. I pray that you would wake up my body and my spirit. Break up the hard parts of my heart and speak! Help me to die to this selfish self and live in you. Let your joy be awakened in my heart and let it be my strength despite my body's aches and my minds weakness.

Romans 8:1-8 Key verses:
v5 For those who live according to the flesh SET THEIR MINDS on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the spirit SET THEIR MINDS on the things of the spirit. v6 To SET THE MIND on the flesh is death, but to SET THE MIND on the spirit is life and PEACE.
This was what God gave me to focus on three days ago. It applies perfectly to right now. I love how he gives us what we need in perfect timing. My heart is stressed and heavy under the weight of practicalities and all of the little loose ends that have seemed to multiply more rapidly than I can tie them up. My heart feels like it is fraying apart and I cannot pinpoint the snag. This verse says that if my MIND IS SET on the things of the spirit then there is life and PEACE. Mind check, Jordan! Focus!

If you are feeling stressed or like you are about to explode from the mounting pressures of the season. STOP. DROP. Be still and know that God is God. Focus on him and SET YOUR MIND on the things of the spirit. I have found the best way to focus is to worship, it puts God back into perspective! He is still in control. Do not worry about anything but in prayer and petition offer up your requests to God.

Stress sucks!

WednesFriday

2008-12-01T10:27:00.000-08:00

Monday Tuesday WednesFriday
Sat and Sun I come undone!

A piece of last years poetry, accurately echoes how I am feeling today.
We go on breaks and stay up way to late,
then thrown back into the motions, while my emotions
find new fuel for there longing to be free from this pattern.
Six months two days, I gra du ate.
May 1, the fateful day we sign our lives away.
Or we may continue to flounder in some free flow pattern.
Make some money, hunt for a honey!
O the terrible rhythm and rhyme
how can our lives mine out meaning
in the midst of this menial....

Monday Tuesday wednesfriday
O blast! Here comes Thursday seekin revenge
Don't you hate it? despite best effortz
yesterdayz activitiez remain a distant memoriez crowded out already by the craziness of...
day to day to day to day.
One to two to the three to four
please sir, can I have some more?
More what?
Life! If I might have morsel to keep for the rainy day.

Bailout, word of the year but I get no attention!
Could you spare 2.4 million for a small intervention?
When does the political game reach he practical
beyond just some distant fame or just someone to blame.

I dont want to rant but do you feel you are stuck in some lame video game
jumping through hoops, level to level,
livin in a world of no emotion.
I shot you for bonus points.
Stole your gun and your girl.
just to feel good. It doesn't last
but at least I have some fleeting romance of adventure.

I walk through the hall ways and it seems that we have so wrapped ourselves in this false reality of worth and a warped sense of purpose that we live from bell to bell, check box to check box. The only excitement is when he broke up with her and she hung out with him and so and so said her brothers friends grandmas dog died so I am depressed. Have some sympathy! This is not real life people! I know! I have tasted and seen. this morning before the sun rose I met with love and he spoke worth over me! There is so much more to life then this

Monday Tuesday WednesFriday!
There is a friend that loves beyond what I could describe
A presence of peace beyond understanding
purpose that gives you drive and hunger for life!

his name is love and believe it or not he is not abstract, he is not hard to get a hold of, there are no preconditions, I would love to introduce you...

his name is Jesus.

Seasons Change

2008-11-21T10:30:00.000-08:00

A song/poem I wrote as the snow was trying to fall the other day.

Seasons change and my heart follows close behind
excitement builds, for something new
The smell of rain, the crisp cool air of spring
the sun rises,I gaze upon the morning dew, the mornings new.

We grow older, why fight the natural order
trying harder to justify ourselves
Leaving what once was, walking new paths
saying goodbye to where we have been before, We have been here before.
from Em to open to G
Open my eyes so I can see
Open my ears so I can hear you,
Soften my heart so I can can feel you
leading. last line goes high

I'm tired of singing, songs that will never be heard,
Tired of screaming out the deaf and dumb...Dreaming dreams that will never be lived out.

Open their eyes so they can see
Open their ears so they can hear you
Soften their hearts so they can feel you

Seasons change! change the hearts of this nation
stir us up, for something new.
coming into what is real
following your leading, your leading,
my heart is changed

The Glass Ceiling of Relationships

2008-11-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

I am in the midst of my B-block class once again and I am really struggling today. Only one and a half more days and then finally Thanksgiving, the long awaited break is here. I have had in many ways a successful week and in many ways the successes have caused fresh challenges. Victory in leadership and mentoring has triggered an excitement in me that sadly distracts me from the more mundane commitments that I maintain during the year. I have not been committed to a team these past three weeks having decided not to compete in the Junior Olympics yet my sister Jessica who is ridiculously talented chose quite wisely to continue. She has practice downtown Monday Wednesday and Friday. This has allowed for an incredible amount of time for coffee poetry and music, the things that I standardly have no time to pursue in the midst of sports. My heart today had conference with my mind and they decided that long term relationships often develop a ceiling of sorts. When I want to pursue something like poetry or music more intensely then those who have known me as primarily a runner for years are thrown for a loop and often do not encourage such things. Not because they disprove necessarily but they do not have that picture of you as a poet... People inherently do no like change so when you come up to those you have known for a long period of time and offer a new concept of you rarely are they as excited. This lack of enthusiasm often hurts or is seen as these persons discouraging your pursuits or not believing in you.
I want to leave....
grow....
change...
and so today I am struggling.
For it has become evident that there is indeed a view and perception of who I am that is not allowed to change as liberally or quickly as I feel the need for growth.

A Poem and the Thought of Song

2008-11-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

NEGRO

I am a Negro:
Black as the night is black,
Black like the depths of my Africa.

I have been a slave:
Ceasar told me to keep his door steps clean.
I brushed the boots of Washington.

I've been a worker:
Under my hand the pyramids arose.
I made mortar for the Woolworth Building.

I've been a singer:
All the way from Africa to Georgia
I carried my sorrow songs.
I made ragtime.

I've been a victim:
The Belgians cut off my hands in the Congo.
They lynch me still in Mississippi.

I am a Negro:
Black as the night is black,
Black like the depths of my Africa.

Langston Hughes

This is the Poem that grabbed my heart today. Read it again and think about it! It is history and heart, a flow of words that musically portray an incredible sorrow and a subtle sense of pride. I think it is powerful to see how blacks though rich with a history of abuses have claim to great accomplishments. ie the Pyramids, The Woolworth Building, ragtime, jazz... it goes on and on. They have been the strength that raised equality and conviction inside of there abusers. There sorrow songs have turned to praises and there slavery into a liberty that has worth and life so much deeper than ours. They have fingure prints everywhere! I know that racism and slavery are still a huge problem and factor in society but I love this picture of perseverance. Inside of the great pain and injustice come to the surface some of the most compassionate, immensely strong hearts. Out of the gr owning is birthed the most majestic of choruses.

My thought process is such that I am craming my head with peotry and stories, and the verses of the bible hoping that they will poor out in song. Ps 126:5-6 "Those who sow tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to so, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." There have been many tears sown this past season in my family. There has been a shaking of everything we have known and I believe that we are going to reap some incredible songs of joy out of it. I was listening to an awesome man of the Lord named Creflo Dollor last night and he said, "if you need a house then get out there and plant house seed. You need a job, plant job seed." We have an inordinate amount of seed found in the bible if we will get into it and get it. Then pray it or plant it! act like you belive it! live it out and then you will reap a harvest. I am praying for a harvest of songs. The bible says through the tears that have been sown that they are coming so I am going to sing!

Once upon a time... A tale of the middle school years

2008-11-13T21:25:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a home school kid that loved his teacher. His teacher was his mom, and his mom had the top say in his life. She had raised him to read the word, pray, and worship daily. Respect your elders, clean up after yourself, you know…all of those wonderful things a good mom should teach. There was one mistake though; she loved the way his hair curled when it got long so when she cut his hair she would leave a couple of curls dangling down the back of his neck. Then it came time for our little home schooler to go into a public school because mom was having her fifth child and needed some help teaching them. Now our little lad who loved home schooling did not want to go to public school and hated the way kids judged other kids, he hated the way kids acted in general.
The first day he walked in to class was about two weeks after school had officially started and there was a math quiz. The poor lad looked at it and knew none of the material. Scared and not knowing what else to do, he took the quiz and with trembling hands gave it back to the teacher explaining, “I do not know any of this.” The teacher was a big man with a kind demeanor and he tried to reassure him, “It is ok, I want you to try it so that we can figure out where you are.” The child broke down crying and after a few moments collected himself and asked to go to the bathroom. He did not know where it was so the teacher asked the cool kid in the Vans and skate gear to help him find his way. Cool kid Vans man looked the home schooler over and then gave him this look like, “Are you from mars?”
I was that kid, and I learned vary quickly that even if your mom likes the way your hair curls, rat tails will just never be accepted as stylish. I cut the rat tail off and after a month of coming home everyday and crying, came to a revelation. My parents had made the decision that I was staying and crying was not going to change anything. From then on I took culture shock and turned it around on the culture itself. I began to build relationships with the kids and because it was such a small school I soon knew everyone’s name and had befriended each kid. I caught up in math and actually ended up teaching more math than our teacher. He was a little lost being a science geek that was forced to teach math because we could not afford another teacher. I began to pray and felt like I was supposed to start a bible study. I did and it started out with about 3 kids. Me, the one nerdy girl that had a crush on me, and the really smart girl that had like half the bible memorized but no comprehension of how to apply it. Anyways, we began to study the word during our lunch breaks. Most often it was mainly conversation based off of what we each had been learning in the past weeks. The conversation drew the popular girls in because they loved to talk about anything and everything. We had three of them get saved and they soon drew in the guys. I am telling you, you want more guys in your church, get the cute girls saved!
This growth continued all year and then summer came and most of the kids were like, “What do I do? We can’t stop just because school is.” So I invited them to my home church and we had about twenty of them begin carpooling in on Sundays. They were discipled on a deeper level then I could ever have done in a lunch break and we came back to school my 7th grade year with a solid remnant of disciples. Then it took off, we had about eighty out of the ninety kids in our class coming to Westside church. I was elected as President of the student body and began to lead even more formally with the faculty. It was outstanding, God did great things!
I am now the vice president of the student body in my high school and have helped raise up a bible study here as well. I have been under fire from our schools leadership and learning how to defend and further faith in a highly critical arena. I am believing for amazing breakthrough even still to come in the 3 quarters I have left before I am sent out into the next season. Which I am praying will be with you all at SPU.

Love Actually...

2008-11-13T09:57:00.000-08:00

Love, a word that could mean so much in todays culture. What is love, what is lust, how do we distiguish between the two? The world has something it calls love where you can love somebody and then two months later hate them. A love that is more of a commonality where you have permission to touch me and make me feel good and when you need some, come on over. It is a strange fleeting thought. For girls I see it as this attempt to mix farytales with reality. Guys it is more of a buddy thing where you have a girl you get long with, you click with and you sleep with. A lot of times it is a mix between an attempt to be her prince and the fight to suppress a beast of selfish lust that is fed off of a never ending supply of perversion and very often pornography. As best as I can tell they guys role is to try and make the girls farytale come true and the girls role is to feed the beast of his desire. It is more about what I need then really pleasing her but to get what pleases me I entertain her fantasies as a way of payment. Then God says that with out love we can speak in the laguage of angels and be nothing. We can have faith that moves mountains and be nothing. We can sacrifice ours bodies and give away all of our stuff to the poor yet have no lasting effect. We need to have love or we can not do anything that really matters. So I ask again, what is love? How do I get some? Because if we do not find out what it is and how to live it out then our lives will be a wash and our ministries no matter how large, our companies no matter how flourishing, and our relationships no matter how numerous will all amount to nothing.
I am sitting in the cafateria with my special needs friends working with them on math and getting into the word because I did not get enough of it this morning. I asked them what love is...Eric says that love means giving bear hugs. And kisses, and sleeping together, and hanging out together, and solving mysteries together, like in scooby-doo. Anna says it is a really warm feeling that you get. Ollie says you can love chocolate and you can love your parents but when you love your parents it is different. He says you hug and kiss and hang out. Autumin and Misty say it is when you care for someone really really much.
I love these kids so much because they are so not judgemental or cynical. They call stuff like it is. If my hair is a mess they tell me. If they do not like what I am asking them to do, they tell me.
Tina another staff member says that love is caring for someone beyond circomstances or feelings.
There are so manny definitions of Love how are we going to get it right? First Cornithians 13 says that love is patient, and kid. You know the passage. The world knows the passage and thinks it is a great idea but the problem is that ideas have no power until acted upon. Gods definition of Love is selfless, completely focussed on the well being of the others. Jesus said that there is no greater love than when a man lays down his life for a friend. He told us to love like he oved us and gave himself for us. That is radically different from the way we think of love and the way that we live. I know that even with those I love I am not selfless and do not set out to serve them and lay my life down for them daily. Think of how awesome our relationships would be. Here is my thought, lets intentially start loving on our familys as practise for how we are going to love other people. Like practise for an awesome marriage. Lets love on our families! Lets redefine love to the point that even my special needs buddies know that love is a selfless action of laying down your life for another. A choice for compassion beyond what is becnificial selfishly.

Insecurity Hurts

2008-11-13T08:24:00.000-08:00

A- block again and a little different story, last night instead of sleeping at 7;30 it was 12 and I woke not at 4:30 but 6;30. I really did not want to come today but I know that once I actually make the choice to stay home as a cop out of class for whatever reason then it will be easier to cop out the next time. It sets a precedence in my thinking and then I would gradually drop back in grades and motivation. I know me and me would get all proud and make excuses for why school is not really a valuable way to spend my time which is totally a lie. Anyways I am at least here, though blogging once again because our class in ridiculously good at manipulating our teacher for more time on assignments and of coarse much needed movie days.
So my heart this morning hurts. It hurts for my friends in relationships that are not righteous. It hurts for my friends who do not know how to trust. It hurts because I have seen my relationships get cut back into a superficial grossness because there is a lack of authenticity. Insecurity hurts! When you are insecure in who you are then you are unable to be the friend that I need and the tool the Lord wants to use. Insecurity causes division because it sets up this competitiveness that causes us to compare ourselves with others. Please stop! God says that you are created in his image! You are set apart for his purposes and you were predestined before you were born for good works. Beautifully and Wonderfully made, knit together in our mothers womb. You are you and no one else can be! Can we stop trying to be other people please. We are depriving the world from the piece of Jesus we are called to be. Do not hang out with those that compare you to others. Do not be around those that do not speak life into you. Do not hang with the "cool" kids if they talk down to others and require you to act or dress or function in a way that is not you. You are a piece to the puzzle and a part of the body of Christ, whether you believe in God or not, he has plans for you. They are good plans, to prosper you and not to harm. Stop being what the world tells you to be, be what you are. Sons an daughters of the king of kings. There is no need to impress or please people, please God he is the one who has worth to give. If you find your worth in what other people think you will never be fulfilled or able to function the way you are called to function. God wants you, your voice, your gifting, your thoughts. The body needs your piece of the puzzle! Come on people, slap me when I try to sing like John Mayer. That is not me. When I try to dress like, Cory Parnell. Although that is kinda my stuff too:) Can we please listen to what God says we are and step out in faith and live like we are what he says. He knows our inmost beings. Can you understand your heart and emotions? He created you and I and knows what we are to be mind, body, and spirit. Praise the Lord. He loves us!

Another A- Block Update

2008-11-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

It is Wednesday morning, forensics class on the day after Veterans day and it is a half day here at school. We have been working on a report for the last three days of class and had the laptops available to us so I have had the opportunity to update my blog. I do not really trust the schools database for saving my work so I prefer to work at home.
I woke up this morning half an hour before my alarm at 4:30. I went to sleep at seven thirty the night before so I still had nine hours of sleep in my tank and I decided to get up and at it. I am on a quest to get strong, so I grabbed my ski poles, laced up my running shoes and hit the trail. I am in my off season and in a a new season of training. It is new because for years I have had my complete focus on fitness for running. I have been all about lean muscle and slow twitch endurance. For the most part I have tried to stay away from building bulk muscle. I am 135 pounds of lean mean distance running muscle. The problem is that I have one leg that is lightly shorter than the other which causes muscle imbalance and extreme discomfort in my left leg. After four years of running on average 40 miles a week all year long my body is feeling a little bit beat up. As I have prayed about college and direction for next year I felt like the Lord was telling me not to run XC or Track. I came to my mom with it and asked her to pray. Before I had even finished telling her what I was feeling she confirmed what I had been hearing. So my fitness has a new focus. I do not have to be afraid of building upper body power. So for the past week I have been been working on power and strength training, while keeping my legs fitness alive by incorporating running into the strength focus. I was reading in first Corinthians while Paul talks about running the race to win the prize. He says that all runners who participate in the games go through strict training. They train to win a prize that perishes but we train to win a crown that lasts. I am amazed at how my spiritual fitness parallels my physical. I have been all about endurance in my spiritual life as well, all about lasting and building up faith that lasts through the intense fires of life. I love the intensity and longevity of endurance training. Now God is doing something with the churches of moving them into power! We started a series called Kurious (greek for Lord) the first Wednesday of every month. It is teaching our congregation how to function in the power of the holy spirit. How to listen to the spirit of God, check the word with one of the pastors and then present it to the congregation. It is awesome. We are finally learning to do what the bible says. We have simplified and cut some of our services out of the schedule and focusing in together. I struggled for a while and still do with some of the changes that have occurred at Westside but to see us really hit the mark one Wednesday a month is worth it. The power training in the spirit! Right now I would rather lift weights and gain some mass and power once a week than continue to pound in endurance training that I have reached bit of a wall in. The power I believe will allow me to run with more dynamics and break me out of the rhythm that I have been in. Endurance so manny times can put you to sleep with it's repetitiveness. I believe God is wanting to break the church out of repetitive ritual that has put us to sleep. Lets not neglect our endurance but lets begin to break out of the norm. More love, more power! More of Jesus in our lives!

32 Minutes of Sleep

2008-11-10T08:40:00.000-08:00

Movie night! A night full of pillow fights and wrestling matches, grandmas snacks and not much sleep. We had a blast this last Saturday night watching The Pianist, The Last Samurai, and Braveheart, along with the little break to watch like twenty youtube videos. The real story though is Sunday night, our Cross Country banquet. The culmination of the last four years of pain and endurance. The goodbye to the many beautiful people that I have poured into and have poured into me. Now, if you know me well, you know that my heart is easily moved in relationship with people, so last night I was using all of my energy in an attempt not to cry. I think though that my emotions were placed on steroids by the previous nights lack of sleep. I had only slept about a half an hour from 7 to 7:30am and when the sun is up, my body is up.
I came home around 9pm after the banquet and though my body was involuntarily shutting down on me in an attempt to lay me down for the night. My heart and mind were racing. So now I sit here in my A-block forensics class blogging it all down because Stephen has my journal in the back of his car!
It is true, and is becoming real to me, I am near to the finish line of this stage of the life. I wrote on an earlier note about the the short amount of time until I leave Bend and now it is even more real. Does anyone else feel this way? I am grieving for what I am leaving yet my heart flails inside of me, dancing to a new of song of anticipation. College essays are due this friday for early action deadlines and there is an urgency that has been stirred inside of me for my peers. The deadlines of time to be with them are fast approaching, the dead lines to love on them, the deadlines to extend any invitation to new life. These deadlines hold for some life and death. It is a strange new place where my heart has been moved.
I have decided through much struggle that I will not be running cross country or track in college and I am excited about it because I will finally be less spread out, able to be more excellent in study and in relationship with people.
O my heart! Today O Lord I am so tired yet so awake to the fact that there is so much more to life than the routine.
Now I must run to my next class but, Lord let my heart stay awake to what you are leading! From class to class, assignment to assignment, hello to hello, break us from routine! I pray that you would open our eyes to see the significence of every little thing. On to B-block.

Fear, Faith, and the Grapple with Both.

2008-11-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

Matt 5:25-32
25 A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding. 26 She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. 27 She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. 28 For she thought to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition.

30 Jesus realized at once that healing power had gone out from him, so he turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my robe?”

31 His disciples said to him, “Look at this crowd pressing around you. How can you ask, ‘Who touched me?’”

32 But he kept on looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the frightened woman, trembling at the realization of what had happened to her, came and fell to her knees in front of him and told him what she had done. 34 And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.”

Ok, a little bit of my testimony from this last year. In summary, this year has been one of extreme presure! My family has been under fire financially, physically, spiritually, and relationally. We have been forced to live in faith because there is no other way to stay alive. I don't know if anyone reading this has been there but, I would highly suggest it if you want to grow really fast. I would warn you though, there are growing pains! I would say to you to you also that even in the midst of fear and pain and heart ache. Even if you are on your knees, beat down by life and cut by those closest to you, crawl, scrape, do whatever needs to be done to get to Jesus. One touch from him changes your life. In the midst of fear that seems to suffocate faith, do not let shame creep in. Though there is fear it does not mean you do not have faith or even that your faith is week. Just as doubt is proof of faith, like a shadow is proof of the sun. Fear and faith can go together. I am not saying it is ok to live in doubt, fear, and the shadows, but I am saying that if they are in your company you are set up for powerful faith! Do whatever you need to do, get to Jesus, he did not give you that spirit of fear. Faith will always win just as Romans 5 says that the testing of your faith produces perserverence, perserverence then character, character then hope and hope does not disappoint. Do not fear the tests, they are proof God is building something!

Sleeping Around With Ideologies

2008-11-04T06:15:00.000-08:00

I have found myself frustrated lately. I get frustrated with people who say they want to be fast but will not put in the work to achieve that goal. Frustrated with people who say they want to see the world changed and don't put any time or effort into other people. FRUSTRATED with people who say that they are Christians yet they live to please people and call it being relevant, maintain wrong relationships and call it being non religious, or even worse, Just sit on their blogs and talk about how frustrated they are. I am so easily frustrated by apathy because I can see it my life, easily frustrated by lack of faithfulness because I myself am so unfaithful to things that I say. I must confess that at times I can speak well sadly the majority of the time I cannot get past speaking and into living. All that as an intro to what I have been learning. I don't want to sound preachy but if I do know that I am writing it as much for my heart to hear as for you.
Romans 7 We find Paul talking to people who know the law. He says, "This should be easy for you to understand because you understand the law. If a woman marries a man than she is bound by law to him until his death. If she lives with another man while her husband lives she is considered an adulteress." Now if her husband dies than she is released from the law and may marry another with out the danger of accusation and the consequences of sin. HE goes on to say,"In the same way, you have died to sin so that you could belong to Christ." After reading this I began to get the revelation that I have been an adulterer when it comes to my beliefs. When ever you continue to dabble in sin or play with ideologies contrary to the word of God you are messing around with relationships. Building relationships with the world and earthly ideologies when you have relationship with Jesus who died to restore right relationship with us and God is like attempting to have two girls (or guys). Let me break that last sentence down a little bit. If you continue to sin it is like continuing to see an ex girlfriend or boyfriend after you supposedly broke that relationship off and started a new one. Problem, when you try to be a playa you get yourself into a game that is much more complicated than you could plan for. You have to play the game of secrecy while trying to maintain positive relationship dynamics with those being played. If you can do that then comes the issue of your heart being split. You cannot have a flourishing and completely incredible relationship with someone if you know there is more to the story. If you know that they would not approve of what you do in secret, and if you are stuck juggling with their hearts. So what I am trying to say is,"If we want to have a good relationship with either sin or Jesus, pick one!" If you are friends with Jesus and yet you try to maintain an affair with sin, your sin becomes shame, contaminated by the knowing that what you are doing would break the heart of your other lover. Now if you are a friend of sin but want to have some of Jesus, I would advise against it. If you want to try Jesus you have to give him your whole life or it is not an accurate taste of who he really is. Then once you have tasted him your sin is no longer as tasty, no longer is sleeping around or lusting after women on the internet fun. Hell, cheating is no longer a fun way to get out of doing homeowrk, lying is just not funny anymore, and those little fantasy's of a relationship with so and so just seem childish.
If you want a rocking love life, choose one partner! Both in physical relationships and when grappling with what beliefs you will base you life off of. If you want to go for drugs, sex, and rock n roll, then go for it! Don't compromise or try to incorporate any Jesus, they conflict to much! Know also that when your body is trashed, your finances are in the pits, and your heart is nothing but shrapnel left from the explosion of your last "hot" fling of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Jesus still wants you! You don't even need to shower off the terrible smells or get rid of the residue, just run straight for him. He loves you and died for you even when you and Sin where living together.
Now to those of us who want Jesus lets stop fooling around with sin. Believe it or not Jesus knows your cheating on him no matter how well you think you hide it. Your paster may not know it, your family my not see it, but you know what is going on in your heart and we will not have the relationship with Jesus we want until we break off our relationship with sin completely. He wants all of our hearts, all of our dreams, all of our hopes and desires. In turn he offers Life! Life that has no regrets, fulfilling relationship, and even in the hardest stuff, joy that will be our strength.

I Laughed...

2008-11-02T12:10:00.000-08:00

Last night I sat on a love seat in my grandmas house in Eugene, Springfield and laughed with an awesome friend of mine. We laughed at growth and life and friendships and high school relationships. I couldn't sleep because I had just finished my last high school cross country race. I have raced the past four years of my high school career, run thousands of miles, developed hundreds of relationships, cried, laughed, and now it is done. Or at least it is finished for this stage of my life, and all I wanted to do was talk to someone. I couldn't sleep until I had someone to help me sort through my emotions or at least listen to some of the thoughts swirling around in my whirlpool heart. I finished something that I had invested a large portion of my life into, which means saying good bye to a lot of kids that I do not spend time with in any other venue. I told her, I feel strange! In two months I will know what colleges I am accepted to, only 4 months after that I will sign to one of them, 7 months from now I will finish high school track, high school ministry, and indeed high school it self, then in about 9 months I will leave Bend. (All of this pending on Gods leadership of coarse) Bend, the place I have been born, raised, and lived out the entireity of my life thus far. The place where I know every short cut, bike route, and running trail. Have 17 years worth of relationships and networks, my family, our home, our buisness, Westside Church, my best friend. LIFE! The reason I laughed is the thought of leaving in 9 months and then I took it further down the road. In 30 years I will meet an awesome woman of God and get married, 50 years and I will have some kids and have to get a real job and stop touring the world with my band. LIFE IS ENDING IN 7 MONTHS! Or at least life as I know it. I can't believe it. Completely new paradigms of thinking have entered my high school head and are tearing at my heart. What are you going to do Jordan? What happens after the races, the performances, the veggie tales parties! How am I going to live, with who, where? WHY? What out of the time that is rapidly being spent actually has worth? Actually is Life? From these past 17 years in Bend I have learned a few vary solid truths, and off of these I have discovered a few things that really matter and really bring fulfillment.

~First, God is. God can. God cares. (thank you Bo)
Basically God is real and I know it because he has carried my family through massive beatings, my sister through what should have been a devastating car wreck, and me through my many struggles. I have gone through three vary intense cycles of depression, in the past three years, ran away from home, and tried to run away from God. No matter what I did or how low I sank God was there and he loved on me. Which brings me the next point. God can, He is able to change mindsets, heal physical disabilities and trauma, lead us out of destructive and addictive behaviors, forgive our sins, and restore, rebuild and cause us to become men and women that are whole. I have been a witness to his healing power! My Older sister Whitney was blindsided by an excursion cruising at 55 miles an hour on the drivers door of her little Subaru. This inflicted amongst other things a concave skull fracture big enough to stick my fist in. It pierced the dura mater(the sack the protects the brain) and we where told, after she came out of surgery that she is not in the clear, that she most likely would have speach and motor issues, and should be in intensive care for around three weeks. a few hours later, I was talking with her, 18 hours later she was in the process of finding a room on the main floor of the hospital. God can. Then, God cares. This is the fact that God loves us! Me, he loves me! He wants to heal me and see me alive and flourishing. Truth: Life is hard, but God is good AND he loves me! This is the premise to real life. (thank you Lynden Evans.) It is easy to believe in God and his power because there is so much evidence of him through miracles and changed lives but it is not so easy to believe that he cares about us, individually. He wants to have relationship with us, use his power on our behalf, and even have us partner with him in that power. But it is true! Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before him. That joy was you. Relationship with me. Hence I have deduced that relationship with Jesus and with people is life! Living in his power and love and extending that to everyone around me is the stuff that lasts and fulfills. So I have begun to learn some answers to my questions. It is still so strange for me to think though that I am finishing this stage of my life. Cross country is done! It was a success, I grew in relationship with God and many people! Time to finish the rest.... with Gods love and power constantly at my side. And so begins my walk into my own life. Jesus!

Psyche of Me

2008-10-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

4:45 am the alarm rings and I jump out of my bed, somedays i jump because of excitement other days I jump because I have to. The days I have to get up I am getting up to run with my team. This year I am captain and I get to lead my team both with my voice and with my times. I love and hate it, I love and hate running. I love beating the sun up the buttes around Bend, and sitting on swings watching the sun rise. I hate and love the pain of it, I hate and love the pounding. Pounding, it can either be an anoying dripping of water or the powerful beating of drums. Some days, I ask why I run. Other days I cannot understand why anyone would miss out on it. There is something about how raw it is. It is just you. No excuses, no gear except a pair of shoes. It is humbling, yet empowering. People that know running, know themselves. It poses new challenge and new inspiration with every passing season. I believe that the argument to run is greater than that to stay in bed but I know also the pull of laziness. The desire to be comfortable. Too often comfortable trumps comfronting the pain of growth and I stay in bed. Then there is the power of running on a team, when they are there with you they often inspire you to greater determination. With a team you are forced to get out and run for more than the love of crisp morning air, or fitness. It becomes about the other men and women that are out there with you, you hurt together, you fly together, you win and you lose together. You push hard to help them grow and they push back to make you do the same. There is tension between the competition for your place on the team and the friendships that build. That tension is powerful. The love and hate are a potential energy that if used correctly will cause a person to rise way beyond what they had believed was possible. "Love righteousness and hate evil". Do not be afraid of pain, nor timid in the tension. Go after the discomfort, it develops unstopable strength.
I encourage you to run. "Physical training has some value... Spiritual training has value for this life and the next." Train yourself and do not let your flesh stop your spirit from growth.
My friends and I have had arguments for years about whether morning or night is better, every argument confirms inside of me the love I have for the early hours of the day. There is something about the crisp air and the darkness that is broken by the faint light of the sun peircing through with its arms with warm embrace. The smell of coffee brewing, the silence. It is powerful. There is so much potential in each and everyday for great things to happen. Pray. Excorsize. Plan. Be ready to go, ready to be used, ready for the greatness that comes from being used by God. Exersize both your Body and your spirit. God cares about the physical. He created it, he spoke it into being and told us to stuard over it. Teach your body discaplin. "The spirit is willing and the flesh is weak." Become a three stranded cord. (Ecclesiastes 12:7-12) mind, body, and spirit. You will not be easy to break and powerful to use.
I am amazed at how much you can learn about your spirit when you train your body for endurence. The Bible talkes about the tresting of your faith that produces endurance. The principles are applicable in multiple realms. We are beings that have not only a body but a spirit. They are tied to each other and will not separate until we are home. When the enemy wants to take me down he often will first ware on my body and get me busy so that I am tired. Then when I am tired it becomes more of a challenge to train my spirit. When I get sick I find is when I am most vulnerable. Satin is not stupid, he knows he is no match for you when your Dad is involved. When you have great relationship with God and your body lines up with that in health it is easy to stand against the attacks of the enemy. When you get tired he comes after you. He waits for the opportune moment. Luke 4:1-13. Verse 13 ...he left him until an opportune time. Your enemies will come after you in your inopportune times. You can cut down on those by training you body along with your spirit. Just do not let training your body become your idle. Running is a simple way to it. Keep it simple and inline with your spirit. This is some of the psychy of me. Any questions? Comments? I want to know, what is the psychology behind you? Why do you love the things you love. What are your tensions?

best friends and music, maybe, it just might, it could work, but it's not a band, that sounds dumb.

2008-07-31T22:40:00.000-07:00

He was born at St Charles medical center in the same room as I was only two weeks before I came into the world, we shared the same due date (which each of us missed by a exactly a week) and both of us where brought home to the same triplex in Bend , OR, 1991. His name is Stephen and me, you know me. We have been best friends now for our entire lives and now we are headed into a senior year together at Mountain View High School. We have not always been together though, he moved to Seatle, then Boise, then back. there might be one more city in there but anyhow, he was not living in Bend until they moved back about four years ago. When they moved back they where drawn by the worship paster position at Westside Church. Westside had been my families home church since I was born but for a four year period my family needed to get away. We were not at Westside when the Smiths came back but soon after I tagged along with Jay and Stephen to a oneighty tuesday night service. It was like, "AHH why did we leave? I love this place!" The presence of God was there and so were a bunch of kids with cool hair and crazy clothes! I came back and have been there since. My family soon followed suit about two months after I started coming. So now Steve and I are in the same place. One problem, it's kinda complicated but basically we realated with each other but never got together. Steve and I tried to get our families together but there was tension and division that crept in and just kept building for the past three years. I still said that he was my best friend and I believe I was still his, but we never talked, never hung, never did anything. It was so awekward. After three years of astrangement finally something broke and it was not a fun break. It broke the hearts of many and still hurts. But with the breaking of our hearts also came the reunion of brothers. The reunion of families. Appologies were given and we have begun growing and rebuiling our relationship. We still rarely see each other and are usually involved in completely different areas but some how are lives mirror each other almost strangely. We bagan writting and performing music a little bit this past year. We have begun to really become best friends again. Today I called him and told him, "I have a car with gas in it, lets go." We went downtown and got coffees, ran into a billion people that we have gotten to know, we went into On Track Ministries to say hi and ended up leading worship. Then we went to my dads shop where there is an upper room with our drum kits and guiters and bass and mics and we sang. We played for about two hours rehearsing the few songs we have writting and hashing out peices of new ones. We got back to my house around 9:30 and ate freshly baked Jessica brownies made some decalf and went out back where we spent the next hour swinging, drinking, and pouring out our hearts to each other. He ended singing, as we finished our last chorus the sprinklers shot on as if to shew us off to bed. He went home after a warm embrace and a long slow good bye. I have my best friend back, and we are writting music and dreaming and loving on God together. Both of us seventeen, both of us with strangly simular desires and struggles. We are going for it this last year in high school. We want to make noise that has some lingering echoes that will change the atmosphere of our school, our town, our generation. I think it's going to work. Be praying, I recorded two songs yesterday and we are entering the sisters folk festival song writting competition. If we get top five we will have a couple cool little gigs out there and some money to begin to invest in our sound. We have not decided for sure but We are thinking about nameing the "band" Eighteen Months. At eighteen months in development a child can solidly stand and begin to run. We are beggining to Run!

Journal, kinda.

2008-07-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

I have now been home from steens mountain for 2 and a half days and I am feeling a little caught in routine, so I decided to journal on the blog. I read this morning in Psalms 103 and was having trouble making good contact points with life. I love the psalms for its poetry, its depth of emotion and passion, but this morning I was not seeming to get any revelation. I think it might have to do with some of the wording. You know, it is 6 in the morning I have a bit of a cold and I am trying to dig in to this psalm and it starts busting out words like iniquity, transgressions, redeeming, steadfastness, and on and on. O my soul, Praise the lord! I cant help but wonder what my friends who do not have a relationship with Jesus are thinking when they read this. It probably feels a little like English class reading a mid summer nights dream or Othello. So enough with that rant, there are a few rockin verses in this passage that are awesome. like verse 8-12, "The Lord is gracious and Merciful, slow to anger and abounding in love. HE will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love towards those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." So powerful, yet I can read it and fall into the whole feeling of reading a classic work of literature. Some call a classic a work that has stood the test of time. My English teacher defined it as a book everyone holds in high regard and no one reads. How do we break free from this attitude especially when life is going crazy, maybe your sick, or maybe just bored. Well lets not treat our bibles like the mandatory reading that we are getting tested on next Tuesday. I find that I can get a really applicable revelation every time I go to the word with a heart that is hungry to hear and willing to be changed by what it reads. So often I just read the word and its like, "read my bible today! I can check that box off." That's not usually when it comes alive to me. We need to come expecting. It is a book held in high regard for a reason, lets read it with a high level of expectancy.

So I Have This Headband...

2008-07-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready to take off on my sixth trip this summer, on the most hard core one thus far, Steens High Altitude Running Camp. We run around with 165 crazies from all over the world in short shorts at ten thousand feet for altitude training. It is a blast! You are required to do a couple of key things, eat a lot, drink a lot, run, and wear hats so that you don't get sunburned. I am not a hat guy, I can wear visors and look like tour guide man but normal ball caps make me look and feel like a either a gangsta or a trucker. I can't pull off either, and even though I can't pull it off I usually start acting the part and talk with a drawl or attempt to rhyme and walk the walk. To make it worse you should see my hair right now! I have a Mr T cut. Shaved tight down the sides and about a two inch wide, half inch long mo hawk, down the center. All I need is some bling bling, black paint, and another hundred pounds of muscle and I could pull it off. Anyways I went to REI to find what I call the turban head band. Only intense rock climbers, hard core distance running hippies or Jordan Daniel Wolfe would ever dare to wear one. It is this stretchy tube you can pull over your head like a dew rag or wear as a scarf or scrunch into a headband. The possibilities are endless with this thing! So now I have grown out a bit of a beard and started sporting my hippie head wear to add to my already ridiculous really really short shorts. It is wonderful! And That is my short story for tonight but there will be so much more to tell after the turban headband is put to the test next week. Please be praying for me as I am off and onceagain away from home, instead of being lonely or selfishly focussed on me and my experience to be focused on loving God and people. I love you my running friends your awesome. See you on the trails.

I am still here!

2008-07-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

I know its been forever since I have updated this and I still have no pictures which if your like me is pretty much the reason I like blogs. A story is hardly complete without a picture but I have no camera so I might have incomplete stories for a while. So I have been gone all but four days of this summer so far traveling around this beautiful state of Oregon. I was chosen out my school to go to a political science/law program at U of O for week, the day after school got out. After that I went to camp crestview with the elementary schoolers of twelve different churches and got to lead some worship and be a co cabin leader. Then I can home washed clothes and headed back to Eugene to live with my grandpa and his girlfriend because they were awesome enough to host us for the Olympic trials. It has been crazy busy and crazy blessed. I left bend asking God for a clear word on a relationship I was desiring and he not only gave me the answer for that but also the vision for a new life. Life that's more alive, if that makes any sense. I am a visionary and I get so stoked about casting vision and running after it as fast as I can. There is one issue that has always killed me though, pacing. I usually go out to fast with out a clear directive, and then I see something cool and I add that to my cart and graft it onto my vision. I usually make it to the home stretch and then the piano falls on my back and I in the past have fallen short of the finish line. I get so tired and stressed with being pulled in so many directions that I get to the place were I want to quit everything and run away from practical life. It hurts and after you cop out once it is so easy to say "well I have already failed and have a blemished record. Why not cop out again." But God has given me the grace to grow. The truth is that when we come to the thrown grace and ask the lord for forgiveness we are washed clean, white as snow. My record is perfect because I am wearing Jesus! I can be righteous because he is righteous! Now I have learned that I not only can receive grace but I have begun to live in it, walk in it, talk in it, and give it to others. The word says if we do not forgive then our father in heaven will not be able to forgive us. forgive! give and receive grace. It has to flow through you, with no chance to stagnate in waters undisturbed. God has stirred my heart for this next year. Not for the the next five or for the ministry I will serve in "when I grow up." No, I am excited for today. I do not have a record label to sing with or a Nike contract to run for. I have life and life to the fullest, right here, right now. I noticed Jesus lead not from service to service, or concert to concert. He led by simply living with people. Talking and praying with people, teaching people, playing with peoples kids, walking with people. I dont know about you but I would love to be invited even just for one day to live some life with my leaders. Not per say to be taught by them but how about just watch and learn from how they live. to see what it means to run after God and prepare messages in the midst of real life. There has become such a gap in between practical life and ministry. The tension of finding time to serve at church and be involved at school. What if we just lived practle life out doing what needs to be done but going around and intently searching for places to love on those who are hurting. How about family? leadership starts in the home! If you cannot manage your house how can you manage Gods? Love extravagantly on those who are always around, always telling you what to do, always being annoying, always there! What a brilliant opportunity to live ministry! I dont get to walk around all day hangin with some disciples but my little bro is almost always available, my mom, she could always use a hand or a spontaneous I love you. Lets close the gap between practical life and the church. lets close the gap between vision and dreams and living today with passion. I am so tired of dreaming with passion and then just waiting around aimlessly for something "big." I dont have to live from test to test, event to event, service to service. I get to live today, right now, full of the holy spirit loving on people, and being loved by God! Yes I have dreams and would love to date and all that good stuff, but what about living the dream of acts living. Now! lets not wait to really run after God. Go to him get a clean record and lets run. To end the lyrics so on my heart, "I dare you to move, I dare you to move, I dare you to lift yourself up of the floor." I love you guys.

Distracted!

2008-03-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

Hey, I am back and I made it before the end of march! It has been a crazy month, track, math, life skills mentoring, ballroom dance, and the rest of practical life. I have no profound post to give you except to tell you this; Gods grace is more than enough for me! He runs after us relentlessly no matter how many directions I am going. His love breaks through! Are family has been in constant warfare for almost four months and it has not been ware fare like the stuff you can fast and pray a couple days and feel it break. It has been as though line after line of the enemies forces come one right after the other, break though one and with no rest or time to celebrate its time to fight again. The first couple weeks you could feel the atmosphere of our house jacked up on the adrenaline from what seemed the first major attack of this series. Whits accident was an interesting one, it was filled with miracle after miracle, filled with outpouring of support and encouragement, yet at the same time there was confusion with my emotions and lack of sleep, pressure to keep up in school, pressure that I could sense from finance. I was loving it, I got to be with people almost twenty four hours away, I was a connecting point for friends and family, and got a whole lot of attention. There is something about the intensity that I loved, something in the being needed on an escalated level. When you are hit to the point of life and death there is a clarity that comes, the ability to see what really matters is sharpened and you can see the worth of family, friends, and more than anything the grace of the one who never sleeps. So that was a season which faded in a blurr and left my math grade in ruin and that was about it as far as I could tell. What I didn't see is that the effect of that collision my sister was in was only a start block for explosion after explosion in almost every area of our families life. I have 1200 math problems to do and it is easter today, we have some awesome friends over and I am feeling distracted. So there is my post, an excerpt from how I am feeling today. Please be praying over our family and I will update yall hopefully more consistantly then I have.

Pardon Me my Lord?

2008-02-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

We have been in the book of judges this month, Steve Stern spoke the opening message and challenged us to go home and read through the book. I did and have all this week, over and over and over again. It's packed with adventure and drama, sin and justice, slavery and freedom, all this heart wrenching stuff. Literally heart wrenching, pulling so hard on my heart strings that songs began to come forth and prayers burst from my mouth. GOD I WANT AVENTURE! LORD WHEN DOES IS START? LIFE? What does it mean to really live, to actually rout the enemy, see lives dramatically touched, and more than just lifes, generations, eternities. When does it start Lord? Katie Scott spoke today bringing the second teaching and continuing to stir me up down in the deepest parts of my being. She said, " The Lord told Deborah to get ten thousand men who had not faught in twenty years, fat and sloppy men of only two out of the twelve tribes to go and fight." (Judges 4) There is this patern; Evil-consequences-crying out-the lord hearing-the lord raises up a judge-peace. The peace would die as soon as the judge died and the people would decide they were comfortable. They would be passive as there enemies would agressively grow and eventually overpower them. As there enemies attacked they would try to stay comfortable and hide away instead of fight. in the midstof the hiding a new generation is being raised up. The new generation not knowing of what God has done, not knowing that there is better, that the promise was not to live in caves and try to servive. The promise was a land flowing with milk and honey, with God being there God and them being his people. A promise that his presence would go with them and distinguish them from all other people on the earth. That promise still stood even while they hid in caves. The word was still alive though they settled for a lame exsistance of planting crops for there enemies to eat and destroy. After the pain got bad enough they would cry out, but it was not the crying that set them free from the oppression of sin. It was a person who lived by the spirit, who cried out with there life, "Lord use me, I am not satisfied!" It was a Judge, the person who would strap a sword to there side and do something.Crying will do nothing for you unless it brings the discomfort that causes you to do something.Our generation does not know God and is doing evil in his sight. The promise of God still stands and is extended to us. I have been crying out to the Lord and been stirred by the holy spirit to step out in the school, to step out in my life. The angel of the Lord is saying to me and to you "Mighty warrior, the lord is with you." We respond like Gideon in Judges 6, "Pardon me my Lord, if you are with us then why is this happening to us? Where are the Wonders of old?"Read that story, I will be back...

Life?

2008-02-08T16:09:00.000-08:00

I want to live like John 10:10, Life abundant, limitless, unhindered by sin, without shame, powered by grace, free from the chains of fear, guilt, and shame, I want to live in freedom! And I have just recently recieved a taste of that limitless life our savior died to give us. Now that I have tasted it I want all who breath to have some. It's like a little kid who has just discovered an incredible candy and wants to share it with his friend so that they to could understand how just how wonderful it is and join in the joy. When joy is shared it tastes better, and I have found something that tastes better than hundred grand bars, double tall white peperment mochas, and has a better after effects. Here is my discovery; THE ONE THING THAT MATTERS IS THAT WE KNOW GOD AND ARE KNOWN BY HIM! That we love God and are loved by him! Are awesome worship leader spoke a message on Tuesday to close up the First Things First series and she talked about something that has been so hard for me to grasp but actually clicked this time. Matt 6:33 Seek first the kingdom of heaven and his richeousness and all these things will be added. This is they key! If we really put God first everything else falls into line. Life becomes more than just breathing air. I wish I was actually sitting with you so that you could see my excitement (flailing of arms dramaticly)! God is good and truely nothing compares to his presence!